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Breathe out,
So I can breathe you in

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Monday, 16 February 2015
Could you un-know me

Be warned, that this might be full of grammatical errors, and it will probably sound like me thinking out loud (in typed words).

I wonder if it's normal, for people to think so much about what they're going to do in life, or how they're going to get to where they want to be in life. Could it possibly be a thing about being in your 20s, when life passes both too quickly and too slowly simultaneously.

I've been lucky to have met the people I have at various points in my life, in the various things that I do. It's hard to describe the feelings of paralysis I get from fear and from an irrational sense of being down. It's hard to describe these feelings particularly when there are no apparent reasons behind them. All I know is that I keep doing things not only because I love them, but because they help me avoid feeling so erratic all the time. And it brings me to wonder if I love what I do because it helps me feel better, or if I feel better because I love what I do.

And to be honest, does that really matter? Just like the ending of Inception, where viewers are left wondering if Dom Cobb was in a dream or if it were reality. But, in effect, it didn't matter because he was happy and that's enough for him.

It's been very draining for me, emotionally that is. Letting go, picking up, holding on, holding myself together all in a span of two short months. I don't know how I'm going to get through. It scares me that I don't know if I can ever be truly honest with myself, when my truest thoughts scare me. And it all comes back to that I'm so full of fear.

And the people I've met lately have changed me. Could you un-know me? Maybe my life would be different if I could un-know you? Thank you for being my safety for that short period, and even now. And thank you, for caring for me. I know you see your younger self in me, and you hope I wouldn't fall into the same depths as you did - I don't say it but we're strangers and yet you care for me so much. I don't want to disappoint.

You told me people change, and I silently wished it wouldn't happen to us.




love, 01:53
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