Commit This to Memory

Never a feeling quite like that of relief

Look at all the "study plans" I have...seriously. It's quite funny. All this hassle. After much contemplation I have come to the conclusion that making breadth subjects compulsory was the root of all these "troubles". Otherwise I could have done a Psych major, and both a Crim and a French minor. Breadth subjects are pretty lame anyway. I mean they could benefit some students who genuinely have an area of interest outside of their course but for those without said interests, like myself, end up in a really restricted situation. Ironically, the introduction of breadth studies was meant to open up new possibilities.

But in any case, I am now *finally* enrolled in the correct subjects! And really, such relief...this feeling is truly calming. I spent the past four days(including today) in such uncertainty over which subjects I would have to do...and all these other complications from not having enough subjects and yet having too many subjects. Oh, what a nightmare!

This marks the end of week 1. Just another 11 left to go, amazing how quickly it passes. I've already got details for all my assignments...they really spare no mercy in second year. Makes me wonder what third year would be like :O

love, 17:23
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Jehovah jireh

My God is truly amazing. How can I ever say I don't believe in God?

He has answered my prayers in ways I never expected...and could never expect. All that has happened leaves me awestruck in wonder. You know the initial confusion and mess of an unfixed 1000piece puzzle, and how the picture becomes clearer as the last pieces of the puzzle find their way? This is exactly like that. This is just the start.

On another, pretty random, note...the dance ministry finally has a name, which is not 'D-Act1v8'(Lol!!!)! Gosh, I don't even know how to spell Act1v8 (name of the music ministry).

love, 09:28
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Academics, bureaucracy, pointlessness.

French:
Pros - I like it, genuinely enjoy studying for it, and will probably get good results for it.

Cons - none.

Law, Justice and Social change:
Pros - I sort of like it, would possibly feel academically challenged while doing assignments and plus it actually deals with real situations (we get to interview organisations!!)

Cons - Reading subject (I've already got three other readers), and possibly wouldn't get as high results as for french and that will pull down my average.

Dilema. Well, I guess right now it isn't really in my control anyway because the new student system is rather annoying and doesn't allow you to apply for subjects beyond your stipulated study plan, i.e. I should be doing psych and crim subs since I'm doing a major/minor in those areas. On top of that, I'm doing level one french and apparently you are not allowed to enrol in more than 100 points of subjects at level one? It's pretty ridiculous and I don't understand why they can't approve this sem when they already did last sem..stupid new system! So I've applied to over-enrol. The application process is taking forever, and the queues at the student centre are shocking! You know, one would really expect the queues and processing staff to be more organised. After all they have all these fancy pancy managerial lecturers in their business schools. Surely they should be able to come up with a better solution so everyone can have an easier time.

I guess the worst that could happen is that I would have to do the Law subject. I admit I do like it, but weighing out the pros and cons, I would pick french anytime. Law might be an interesting subject, but I don't really wanna kill myself doing FOUR reading subjects and writing that many essays :/ At the end of the day, there's only so much I can do to plan my course, I know that God would be the one in control.

Si je ne me trompe pas! Seriously, I love French.

love, 10:51
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Please please me

These pictures crack me up. I kinda miss Jay-R, he is probably the only one who would do weird stuff like that on the beach with me.

Random sidetrack, Adam just won Masterchef. (Live feed here!!)

Semester two starts tomorrow. I'm sort of ready, but there is still that nagging feeling at the back of my mind telling me that no, I'm not ready. But I have decided to abandon all inhibitions holding me back. I shall commit this semester to God, and I'm going to put my all into it. It's that simple really, worrying will get me nowhere.

Having said that, I'm still a pile of nerves :S I need to do well.

These days I've been slightly happier. I can't exactly put my finger on what/who it is that's making me feel less pessimistic, but regardless of what happens, a combination of different events over the past weeks have convicted me that everything I need will always be provided for by God.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

love, 21:39
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Outkast

love, 20:42
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You caught me off guard

I think so much about it, yet I fail to notice the smallest details. Sometimes, I just don't get what I'm on about. And I feel it coming again, I'm going to walk out on what we have, and you know what the stupidest part is? That is, I am just going to walk right back in, you wouldn't even have to ask. You assume that I'm always going to be here, and yes, I am. So...damnit. I can't always be here for you, I don't want to always be waiting on you. These words have no meaning.

I've seen fireworks more than often enough, but each time I hear the ever familiar sounds of fireworks being released into the air, it never fails to draw me to it. Fireworks, big deal. Loud cracks, bright showers of neon lights. No big deal.

They say the brightest flames burn out the fastest. I can only hope someday we'll be the sun. It's hard for me to believe in anybody and what they say they would do. Yeah they might do it once, twice, three times. And then what? Why is it so hard for me to give him a real chance to be somebody and not just anybody to me. Guess, it's really not a big deal.

Nothing's a big deal. This is gonna be the real world now!

love, 20:09
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To infinity and beyond!

Caught Toy Story 3 today, and it was absolutely amazing! Everything about it. Even the short clip before the movie, you know those clips which makes people think they might have entered the wrong cinema..yeah, it was so creative and funny! The plot for TS3 was really unpredictable as well. And I'm glad Lotso ended up the way he did. He is one evil character and the fact that he is all smiley and nice on the outside makes me shudder because I think about the real world, and I wonder how many people are like that. You know, nice on the outside but secretly bitter and just downright nasty on the inside. Anyway, six stars out of five for TS3. Best movie of the year, which is why I'm actually blogging about it.

Oh wow, that's one heck of a large picture... :S Lotso, pink furry bear which smells of strawberries.

Winter hols are ending this week. I'm having mixed feelings about going back. It would be cool to learn new stuff again, but the thought of assessments and assignments and exams make me feel sick. I'm not ready to be greeted with substandard results again, seriously.....I think devel psych for the last semester really killed me. Or rather killed my confidence. I mean, it got the same mark as SSRM, and I barely put in any work for SSRM. Does that mean I just suck at devel psych? Oh well. I will be doing criminology next semester as well, which means an additional subject to actually study for. Help!

Je ne veux pas faire les études à l'Université, mais c'est la vie et j'ai besoin d'être sensible..need to practice french again, in preparation for the next semester!

love, 22:02
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Paradox

On one hand, my mind is screaming, please don't leave me alone with my thoughts right now. Or ever.

On the other hand, I think to myself and wonder what I am doing. I'm becoming the very person I said I would never be. Just give it up and be strong on your own, like you always said you would damnit.

love, 23:00
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"We don't speak americano"

Specially for you Jinli..Remember when we were at CQ, and this song played haha. Today it played in the car and Dom told me the Papalina part is actually "I don't speak americano" or something. Papamericano? Hope it plays tomorrow if we go to CQ.

I feel like I did a lot of things today, compared to the past two weeks of busking and losing myself online. Soup kitchen, Ihotpot, Redsilks, Smith street, and after I got home I started doing all these adulty things. Argh!

The hot pot part was really funny though, the restaurant was closed but we didn't know that. Seeing as we only paid enough for one hour parking, we were RUNNING to the place, just to find out it wasn't even opened. Quote of the day "Forget the hotpot...seriously, I RAN!!!! omg".

Anyway I applied for an internship. I don't think I'll get it, didn't really know what to say again regarding why I'm choosing this organisation, maybe because you're the ONLY organisation I've found??? Competition is so tight, Psychology internships for UNDERGRADS are so scarce..or maybe I'm just not looking in the right places. Most of those I've seen online are for the more advanced students such as masters or whatever. Gosh, I don't wanna go there :S Imagine all that studying. Job searching is such a bitch seriously, I have no idea how I'm gonna find a real proper job in future. I wish my dad owned a company, so then I'll just work in that company. Guess I can carry on dreaming....

Apart from applying for that internship, man, I really hope I get it, even though it is an unpaid position..I think it really builds my resume. Anyway, I did all these annoying tax file number/superannuation things as well. Plus accepted my DL offer woohoo. Honestly, it just sounds cool, it's nothing great and it's gonna eat away my summer holidays. Hope I don't regret this :S

Sometimes I wish I could just not have all these stupid decisions to make and annoying words to read (you know job descriptions yada yada offer descriptions blahblah). Don't get me wrong, I do love life, and I know I'm really fortunate to be living the way I currently am, but everyone needs a place to rant sometimes.

love, 20:12
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They told me I'm crazy, but you told me I'm golden

I'm updating my blog a lot. This can only mean I'm feeling at odds with myself. Oh no-spaghetti oh.

Don't know what I'm doing with my life, don't know where I'm going, don't know why things are going this way. Guess no one has it all together, some just have a better direction than others.

I miss you so much, you know that? I don't know why things have changed between us. It's kinda silly if you ask me. Maybe you're trying to avoid me, maybe it's because of how I've been pushing you away. We have our moments, times when we're perfect. Then the clock strikes twelve and it all ends. If I could turn back time, I would never have said those words to you, never would've made you say those words to me. I still remember the moment so clearly, like as if it was yesterday. Yet, we're perfect together. You have the best of me.

love, 22:27
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Well I can't promise you tomorrow, and I can't buy back yesterday. Today and right now is all I've got.

I can be rather stubborn at times, it drives people around me crazy, heck, it drives me crazy. When I say I will do something, I usually do it, but just not this time. You know, I don't really know what I have to say. I've just been thinking, about nothing in particular, but nonetheless..thinking.

It's nice when we do spontaneous things together. And we talk about how alive we feel, away from the complications of reality. Maybe it's unhealthy, maybe I shouldn't be relieving such memories, but it happens anyway.

Why is it always me? I don't know, I'll never know. As the chinese would say, you can't call it a long period, yet, neither is it a short period. Long enough to linger, too short to hold on to. You killed me inside, I'm just starting to come alive.

With you, no pretences, no inhibitions. Amazing how it's the same with the new you. And strangely enough or not, I can already feel myself dying once again.

love, 22:44
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Even though I thought it was crazy to take that many pictures (this is not even 1/100 of the actual amount), now they're all that's left...and I'm glad we took them :) Such great memories, I miss you babe, EURO 2011!

love, 22:41
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10 days

The past 10 days = indescribable? I've never shopped this much in my life, or walked for so many hours a day and braved the cold winds as such. I miss it, kinda. You know, having an itinerary to follow, leaving everything else aside. Ah well, all good things come to an end, guess this is one of many ends to come.

I've been kept busy copying scores, practising and busking. The money isn't definite, but I must say it's been an amazing experience. I finally know what it feels like to love your job! I get out of bed wanting to get out there on the streets...despite the cold weather! Oh well, perhaps I should stop sounding so enthusiastic, it's only been two days.....

It's funny how so many things are happening, and each time, I think to myself how I never imagined this would happen. I remember a long time ago when I actually thought of just you know, playing music for a living... (and find some rich guy on the side, jokes lol) and it's really happening. Its funny how I never really actively pursued it or tried really hard to make it happen, but yet it's happening right now. Though it's nothing that big at the moment, it does still count for something. Makes me truly understand the saying that what's yours would always be yours. That dream I had as a younger teen is coming true and I can hardly believe it.

Today, I also met this guy called Grant. We played a few songs and it was fun just "jammin' (in his terms)" together. I did feel like I could just do that forever, making silly mistakes and choking out our notes/chords shivering in the cold. It's very unexpected and somewhat heartwarming, how easy it really is for people to find some point where they can connect. I'll probably never see him again, and that adds to the beauty of it all.

Well, I love discovering new things like these everyday.

love, 22:14
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