Commit This to Memory

Last day of September

Today's the last day of September..kindly brought to my knowledge by Jinli's exclammation! We commemorated it by erm, walking aimlessly down Bridge Road and using our gay phrases.

"Shall we depart.."
"ALL DAY BREAKFAST"
"oi oi oi"
"my pattern prevails!!"
"Pancakes! with ICE CREAM...and MAPLE SYRUP!"

BARBEQUE LOL. Alright I'm just being random here.

My drunk friend's going to call me tonight..probably. Wake me up, when September ends. Goodbye my almost lover. Damn, why am I listening to Jinli's emo song. Time to wake up wake up wake up!

It's not that hard to be happy. Just let go of all that you're holding on to. So I shall. Forget everything that was ever said or done. Imagine it was all an illusion. After all, it almost is. I can't grasp hold of it or ever relieve it. All the space it occupies is empty now, try placing a finger on it, and you can't because it's not there.

Thinking back, all that struggle, what was it all for? In the end, all we get is heartache. I once told myself I'll never regret any of it. Today I can safely say that you can never tell anything of the future. Seeing out of tomorrow's lenses gives an entirely different view from today's, well at least I know for sure, I can rest easy and with a clear conscience.

I need to speak to dear George so much right now. What are the chances of me getting hold of her if I call now? Geez, I've still got to shower and try to achieve the hair that Jinli likes and finish hemming my dress (!!!!)...Thanks so much friends for the lovely parcel I received in the mail today. Rachel the photoframe speaks volumes about...just you being you :) The mini fan cracked both me and Jinli up, and I'll look forward to blowing bubbles on a clear blue sky-ed day :)

love, 20:08
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I don't want you to feel sad.

When I read that in an sms last night, it was just so heartwarming. It was such a coincidence that when I was feeling so down, you just texted me. Though you were probably drunk, it's fine..it's cool how our friendship has progressed. You're the weirdest person I met this year, and nicest to me, yes...no. I don't know. Nothing's really stable. These days I'm back into just plugging into my ipod and dreaming.

Maybe it's not a coincidence. Maybe it's God. So many things have been connected lately, so many messages from God, I'm just too stuck in the mud to respond. I remember how in the prayer of Jinli's mom, it's said "And then you come to us, in the extended hand of a friend, the encouragement from a schoolmate, the listening ear of a colleague, an offer of help from a stranger even. And we realise you are never far from us, that nothing can separate us from your love".

Last night was a miracle. Though everything changed again today. The starting gesture has left a great impact on me. Still, time to move on again.

love, 22:17
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I've gone crazy.

The "cool" me vs the....."real" me LOL.

Everyday has been play, play, play. I'm getting a little tired now.

Hang on, that's an understatement. My leg muscles are aching my FINGER is hurting from that silly splinter and my mind is so pumped to do some study because, it's just been such a long time. Play play play, everyday. But this break has been a really good one so far.

I've still got so many things to do. Settle that Ebay thing, post some items blahblah. They're all waiting for me to get them done, especially the above mentioned but I'm TOO TIRED TODAY. I'll get them done by the time break's over.

Anyway yesterday was a great day. Fitzroy Gardens and then St Kilda with Jinpuy Mushy and Monty. All we did was sit around taking pictures and talking and erm, eating lol, but it was still way fun. Sometimes we all need to just sit back and catch our breath, take a breather from the rush of daily life.

Jinli: The hills are alive...(singing)
Mush: run...

And I had a funny Monty phrase to post up but now flee it had from my mind. I shall have to recall it and post it another time. Oh I thought of another funny incident, but it isn't the same one I wanted to post.

Me: Monty, there's a bird behind you.
Monty:(freaking out) Scare it away! NOW!
Me: But I'm kind of scared of the bird as well.
Monty: !!!!!!!!!!

Oh I thought of another funny thing. On my birthday we went to Sasha's and played Singstar, so yesterday somehow the song Year 3000 was stuck in our heads and MUSH just has be MUSH. She kept going, why must you go to the year 3000, why not just the next year, look at the 4D numbers and then win it. Ok that wasn't very funny, I don't know how to explain it.

Everyone bought our seventh album,
we had outsold Michael Jackson.

Bye friends, I shall endeavour to do something productive today.

love, 11:09
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I've lived all my life standing on the safe side of the line. One day I'll like to break these unseen barriers and wonder what it'll be like on the other side. Maybe then I'll bang on invisible glass walls and scream for someone to let me out and then realise my destiny was written by my own hand. 'Thoughts' was my answer. I wished I could've loved you and you, me.. but it's said that love would come naturally and it shouldn't have to be forced.

Knock? I think the answer is plain.. that I couldn't hang in there and let it snap. Looking back, the answers all lay clearly in front of us, all we needed to do was look.

Sometimes. Scratch that. Most, if not all times, just taking a step back and looking was all we needed.

I don't really know what I'm saying or what exactly this is all about. Goes to show how this canvas has been neglected so.

love, 23:07
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Hi Richieee Happy 17th for yesterday. I think this is the first year I didn't wish you on the day :( but I definitely thought of you :)

Jinli's hand(on the left-est side) touching Dusty(the cat) makes me look like I've got an extra hand.

Anyway they planned a surprise party for me yesterday, and I must say it was pretty good. The surprise. Firstly, they all kept their shoes in the cabinet and their bags on the stairs so I didn't suspect a thing when walking in. Jinli, the master of deception also led me to believe we were going to be baking a storm for Monica, the whole cupcake affair. I even BROUGHT A MIXER....moving on, they managed to trick me. So yes, thank you friends, I'm touched whee. (no jinpuy this isn't the time to go sniffles. that's reserved for when you're being mean)
Went to Sofia's and then to Sasha's, where we met Dusty, I love Dusty..poor Sarah got traumatised by Dusty :( I wanna go back and visit Dusty. He's this fat cat who is really a dog in disguise. He loves being patted and everyone loves patting him.

Went to Princess Park again today.

Picnic tomorrow! Wheeee. Jinli wake up early and we'll make SANDWICHES.

love, 20:44
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I finished watching Harold and Kumar and also Disturbia. Disturbia was kind of lame. It wasn't scary at all.

Anyway, is it just me or have any of you noticed this about movies..the plot always has to involve snogging of some kind, even when it doesn't even fit in the show. Or at least, I don't think it does. In disturbia, the relationship between the Neil and Ashley wasn't even necessary.

jinli says:
every day we're just pestering each other to update

How true, we're just bored people. It's alright, we'll entertain ourselves, Bridge Road, Cammy Market(this does not make it sound lame jinpuy), RMS, Sofia's, etc. I feel like going to Footscray again just for fun. Or take a random train ride to nowhere. Anyway JINPUY I've got a lot of bread which expires on the 26, can we please have a picnic so we can finish the bread! Speaking of picnics, whatever happened to our Ringwood Lake plans. And we have yet to visit CARCITY(keep your eyes open for a bargain!!). Well maybe only I wanted to go there haha.

My Youtube is loading so slowly. All I want is to listen to dear Jack. I mean Jack Johnson.

I shall upload some photos. Hope you can tell I'm bored. B-O-R-E-D.

Shiro&Aaron being.. and can you tell what's wrong with these lift buttons!

When we were at Footscray.

Oxfords..you can't really see it though.

Yay we're going Sofia's for Dindin tmr.

love, 23:31
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Phrase of yesterday:
Jinli(with her jinli face): You mean like, FOOD AR?

It was so funny. We were at somewhere on Chapel street and she looked to her left and asked what's that. So, I said "Prahran Market", and she just distorted her face and went "You mean like, food ar?"

Ok, was just really funny then somehow.

Anyway American Apparel was boring. Boring and expensive. It wasn't really boring, it was kind of overpriced and everything there was...bleagh.

I feel like getting white stockings today but I'm too lazy to walk out to Big W or Safeway or wherever. Probably a good thing, because I'm sure the white stockings will be an impulse buy. I'll probably wear it once and then chuck it somewhere in the back of my closet. Anyway do white stockings have some kind of porn connection? 0.0 I typed "white stockings" into google images and some strange images came up. Don't worry, I didn't click on any of them.

Du du du. I feel so...bleagh.

love, 12:58
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How could it be?

I am so tired, papers today were a killer. Stuffed chemistry for sure, they gave us the answers right after trials. It was kind of funny. I got some pretty obvious ones wrong, perhaps it's all in the mind because I admit towards the end it was getting kind of hopeless I had the giving up mentality.

Jiun told me today that there was a sale at Chadstone yesterday. That's so sad because I didn't go for it and I'm pretty sure those Wittner shoes I've been eyeing were going at 50% discount :( Those shoes are perfect in every way.

Honestly when you have no cash, everything you want suddenly hits the stores, and when you've got some spare cash there's never anything that takes to your fancy. Just a moment ago I saw this amazing dress online. It isn't really that amazing but it's just good because it's been something I've been looking for.

My life is dry. On a brighter note I'm meeting Ingrid tomorrow for dinner!

Thou shalt not ponder over sad things.
Am I bovvered though?

BENJY YOU"RE GOING BACK TO SINGAPORE CAN YOU HELP ME BUY MY DRESS ONLINE PLEASE. SORRY I MEANT BENJI, AND I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER NOW..SPECIALIST WAS IMPOSSIBLY DIFFICULT SO STUDY HARD EVEN THOUGH PERSONALLY I FIND THAT STUDYING WOULDN'T HAVE HELPED. IT WAS HARD LIKE THAT. ANYWAY TELL ME IF YOU CAN DUKU.

love, 21:33
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I should try to sell more things on Ebay to earn some cash.

Problem is, I have no more substantial items to sell. I need to look for things that are set apart. Maybe I shall go op shopping and hopefully find some antique telephone or perhaps a typewriter. Sounds like a plan. Two week holiday coming up :) I shall try to do it then, and maybe get some fabric to finally get started on something I've been thinking about in the back of my mind for ages.

It's funny how I'm talking about the holidays already when I've got the Spec SAC tomorrow. Chemistry trial as well, but stuff that. I went to school to see Allnutt today, maybe I finally am enlightened with regard to electrolysis, galvanic cells and whatever else is classifed under there.

Anyway, I was at Cotton On awhile ago and there are so many things I want. Goodness, I wish I was in Singapore now, the prices are the same in SGD or AUD and everyone knows AUD is the stronger currency. Makes so much more sense to buy in SGD, but hah, I don't think the sales assistants would be accepting Singapore dollars anytime soon over here. A nice thought though.

What I might get...maybe the light denim shorts or the beige cardigan. The problem with that cardigan is that it's selling 2 for 50, and I don't want two. Buying just one makes me feel cheated of five dollars even though technically I'm saving twenty dollars. Who wants a new cardigan, please tell me, we'll split it :) Or if I'm feeling rich I shall get two. Probability of that happening is 0 becuase I'm actually trying to save money for something else.

Sigh. Things to do tomorrow, bring Sarah's present to school(finally), contribute to Jiun's 40 hours famine thing(finally as well). Two long long overdue things.

Okay.

love, 17:12
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I surrender

Blind, Straitjackect Feeling..those were the saddest songs which marked our timeline, for me anyway.

October Skies brings about reflection, though April Skies might be more apt in my landscape.

Anyway, this is a happy post, not a riddled one as "a friend" kindly put it. I know who you are my friend, it's highly amusing indeed :)

A gruelling day of trial exams today was. Gruelling might a little bit dramatised but it was tiring to say the least. All glory goes to God that my head remained clear and amazingly managed to complete every paper with time to spare.

I keep seeing these sunset rays and they just make my heart yearn for somethings so much. It makes me feel as if somewhere beyond, there would be someplace where my one wish now would come true.

If I had one wish, what would I wish for? When I think about it now, I realise I don't only have one wish..maybe I would wish to be content. Right now, much as I'm trying to seek God, my mentality is towards seeking worldly things for contentment, and it doesn't take a brain capacity of Einstein's to know that going down that path will lead you anywhere but to the state of contentment.

After the Bio exam was when I hit a whole new low since weeks; walking along and saying in my mind that I didn't care was something I haven't done for awhile now. I just want to thank God now for granting me focus for Methods Paper 2, even though strangely my heart still thumps in a way which can only mean...

Bye

love, 17:38
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500 miles, not a thousand

Rainbow after the rain! Isn't very clear though, and studying makes the world go topsy turvy..

Random, more study (I think I'm a nerd, cool)

Even more study (lol) Jinpy Mount Franklin and me, we make a team.

All in a day's work for Doctor Allnutt. Chemistry kills.

It's a really cold day. Brilliant me wore a "summer jacket". When I bumped into Ping all wrapped up in two thick jackets and a scarf I suddenly felt even more brrr, cold!!!

Anyway I just wanted to blog about the weather, that's all. The wind nearly froze my ears as I was walking home not long ago. So much for warm days being back again. Hopefully Friday will be nice and warm!

Alright I've got nothing much to say...

love, 20:01
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Breakdown of my DAY(hahaha what a way to bore everyone out, shoot jinli with laser guns, she asked me to blog GEE GEE GEE lolll!!!!)

I'm going to do this in chronological order.

1. Church
2. Kimurakan
3. Lib
4. Soccer

Okay now, fun activity for everyone: Using basic English skills like adding punctuation, connecting words and all that jazz, form a story from the above four points :)

Alright, hope you had fun.

Anyway soccer was fun. Come with us next time JL....then you can gang up with me and say "shut up" all the time. Geegee(lol)

Wonder if you would still care, if my place is now hers...regardless, :( It's not even like as if you bothered to see past the surface, do you now? I wish I knew all the right words to say..
I'm calling it love soon,

Edit.

Well, I had a talk with a friend. We have different views always but still see eye to eye. After all, our friendship is highly amusing and a little sceptical at times. Very often I wonder how we even remain friends, but that's a story for another time.

Point is, you know what, I'm moving on just like how you are. I shouldn't try speaking to you anymore, does me no good, and as for you, you were just fine anyway.

Let's just all close our eyes count to ten and imagine our life was an imagination.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not wanting a reconcilation in that sense, all I want is for us to treat each other the same way we used to, but that's not possible. To sum up, I've been trying the impossible; moving on while holding on. I should come to understand that, it's been tried and tested...it's just not possible.

But we still said goodbye

love, 20:22
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O-o-oh

For always knowing what to say, and never judging my actions and thoughts..honestly, what have I done to find a gem of a friend like you? When I mentally flash through all the things I've told you over the past months, I find myself to be a horrible person with no principles to speak of, and it's amazing because you still supported me regardless and encouraged me :) I'll always remember "christmas day" or maybe "graduation day" and all the things you've said to provide some relief. I don't usually say tacky stuff like this, but you're just the best and I will never be as good a friend to you as you are to me.

And I do still thank God for you. Maybe things have changed, and you don't really tell me anything anymore and neither do I; I wouldn't know which soccer player you liked anymore, it's no longer my position. It's amazing because I would still trust you with my life and there's just a strong conviction in my heart that you would never hurt me intentionally. Well, that I would never know for sure...people who think they're oh so mature would probably scoff and say I'm still a kid. Maybe I am, but hey, I'm happy. And it stings when it nobody’s fault cause there's, Nothing to blame, at the drop of your name It’s only the air you took and the breath you left.. How do you move on and hold on at the same time?

Warm days are back again. :)

☺aiwee says:
do you know it's 23 degrees now
jinli says:
yeah
i looked at the age.com
jinli says:
wanted to tell you but then didn't bother haha

:( and then she says
jinli says:
YOU HAVE A LARGE BRAIN
jinli says:
i figured... your brain is large enough to know the current temperature

Anyway, it's really warm now. It's 23 degrees man, sweltering.

English trial was dumb. Generally I have come to the conclusion that trials are dumb. I can't believe I used to take prelims and all seriously. After all, it's just another test. Maybe this is the wrong attitude but it's too warm to study today don't you think! I reckon nobody should study on Fridays too :)

Jinli's being horrid right now she insists that I be called Ms Large Brain and she says I'm distracting her! I probably am though. She just praised her own potato salad blahblahblah. I bet I could make better egg mayo. GAHS. My own potato salad was a disaster.

I hope she reads this. Okay, enough about the moose, moving on now.

Maybe I'll so some spec later, I've got to get my head round mechanics and complex numbers and revise all other topics. What a whole load. I'm so sad, oh sad me.

love, 16:28
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Joy

Jeremiah was a bullfrog(diao diao diao)

Hi there, your card account balance is NO LONGER SICK, your main credit expires on FOREVER AND EVER(hopefully), you have 24 hours left of STUDYING ENGLISH minutes left. BEEP.

What it actually says:
Hi there, your main credit balance is 100 dollars, your main credit expires on the 4 of October 2008. You have 4 hours and something minutes of Vodafone to Vodafone minutes left. blah blah blah.

Ok, lame. Interesting fact, they changed "card account balance" to "main credit balance", how bizzare(how long have we not used this word??).

GAHS. Trials trials trials. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Amen? Yes indeed.

Today's Methods SAC was long but I think I managed better than I expected because my worst topic in Methods is, Probability, and I was expecting to get a headache and all that.

Library with Jinli again. One day when our exams end we're going to sing "JEREMIAH WAS A BULL FROG(diao diao diao)" at the top of our lungs in the library. I dared her to today, but she didn't! Anyway at about 1030, we wanted to go to Maccas for Filet O fish BUT it was not open :( I saw this man inside but he didn't want to let us in. Geez, how rude man(LOL)

I have to revise Specialist(number one priority, the trial is a SAC), Biology, Chemistry, English and Methods. Actually Methods shouldn't be at the bottom of English, I believe there's more to study for Methods than English, but thing is, studying for Specialist kind of covers a lot of Methods and I've just been full on studying probability so I guess...ah, who cares anyway haha, this is so boring.

Alright folks, Jinli says she's planning a party for everyone on Friday. Go tell her what you demand in it. Woohoo, her exams end on Wednesday but ours ends on THURSDAY so she'll be free much much much. Teeehee.

Tomorrow!!!

love, 23:22
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BINGO!!

Mystery solved! MONTY AND JAYELLE...if you guys were still puzzling! The song that was playing at Chom chom the other day is VIVA LA VIDA. Gosh, finally, I recall.

Anyway, I shall FINALLY try to seriously do some work.

Alright list of songs I'm really into:

Viva La Vida(lol), Now and Forever(LOL), Tears in Heaven, Imagine, Can't take my eyes off You, You Give Me Something, One More Time, Wonderful Tonight, Stop This Train, Split Screen Sadness(though I told JL it was gay lol) ok I shall shut up now and besides there are no other songs that come to mind.

Stop This train, I wanna get off and go home again

love, 19:17
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One day I'll see that it was never meant to be. Someday I'll find that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Then I'll look back and see that essentially it was all meant to be though it never was.

Somehow this feeling never leaves me, and I start to think, maybe what he said was right, I could deny it for all I like but these things they go deeper than I think. Letting go is harder than I thought.

So what seemed to be the one way street
turned out to be a round-about,
and I find myself again,
back where I started out.

When will I ever find my way and lose the status of lost?

love, 23:31
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HELP

It's almost ten and I haven't done any work. Honestly, home is the worst place to study. The other day JL asked me "where do you study at home", and honestly, I hardly can study at home.

Another random fact, Youtube can be accessed from the computers in the VCD room. Just remembered that because I was watching music videos on Youtube again. SIGH. Just get offline and do some work, okaaay......

love, 21:52
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You

You give me something that makes me scared alright
This could be nothing, but I'm willing to give it a try.

Somehow those lines make me sad. Strange. It's 815. Had a mini adventure with Jinli! We went all the way to Lygon to satisfy our cravings for Fish&Chips and had some pretty exciting times having Kinder Surprises. Random, I think my hair is so much longer now..compare now and then. I got a really ugly toy while Jinli got a boring one, lady luck is not smiling on us I see.

Next week is going to be horrible. English SAC, Methods SAC, Biology SAC, Specialist Math test and somehow something tells me we're going to have a Chemistry SAC. Not to mention the fact that trial exams start on FRIDAY(!!!), English being the first paper, ahh, I'm stressed. The worst part of it is that the Biology SAC clashes with my job interview. Now I can't go for my interview unless Mrs Latham lets me do my SAC during Line6, but the probability of that happening is not high. Now let's just hope she decides to change the SAC to line 6 instead of line 7.

I overslept again today. When Jinli called at 945 I was wondering if it was 945 or 745 because the clock on my mobile is not adjusted. Just went shit, because I hate waking up late unintentionally.

Ooooh, it's thursday SO this means that!! I have gone for a whole week of Methods classes! I shall demand a gold star from Monica. It even rhymes. "I can understand mon.. but monty?!" LOL.

You give me something that makes me scared alright. This line is stuck in my head.

Well this could be nothing, but something, why don't people walk around with their inner thoughts branded across their foreheads. Why? Don't you reckon life would be made that much easier.

Anyway, I shall buzz off and study some Methods for my test tomorrow.

love, 19:55
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I stole this picture of Jinli's SAN CRUZER THUMBDRIVE...so maybe love is the answer, and it's funny because replace love with humility, replace love with God..they could all be the answer as well. Certainly do not replace love with biology. Stuff Bio...I studied for like fifteen minutes before getting distracted watching music videos on Youtube. NOT GOOD. NOT LOVE. NOT THE ANSWER. I hope I don't go too bad on tomorrow's test :( Random fact, Mrs Latham's son came for bio today and he is gorgeous. I'm not a paedophile though, please do not get the wrong idea.

One of these days, I'm going to come down with the flu, I can feel it already..ironically winter aka flu season is over. Gee(lol, does this sound familiar JL).

Anyway Jinli said not to blog but I'm blogging anyway TEEHEE.

Another random fact, Jinli and I both bought accesories with "peace" on it, we could so be ambassadors of the United Nations or something. Alright, that was a joke, don't attack me please. Ah, I'm getting so high I don't think I can sleep tonight. I'm becoming more of a late sleeper these days. BAD. GAHS.

love, 23:10
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Hmmm

Late night conversations,
Mid afternoon kicks.
Sudden turn about, are we testing patience?

Man, I couldn't sleep last night because I was just so happy. Georgeeee I have to email you. Hey, what better time than right now. Ahh, I'm such an idiot. Guess I have to blog another time. TA

love, 23:26
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