Look After You
I'm alive! But I have no words,
Qu'est-ce que je peux dire? J'ai une vie intéressante mais je me demande si c'est tout? Deux de mes amis m'a demandé - souhaitez-vous aider? Honnêtement, j'aimerais mais dois-je de temps? Et, plus important encore, dois-je le coeur? Je me sens que je n'ai pas encore le coeur maintenant... Qui sait, je laisse à Dieu.
Sur un autre note, j'ai pris le dejéuner chez Pekopeko l'après midi. La nourriture a été bonne, et nous avons passé un bon moment. Maintenant, j'ai besoin de faire mes devoirs...Bon dimanche!
I have so much French to revise, sometimes I get all confused between the different sorts of past tenses and when which verbs are paired with which form of some word. The problem is that there are so many exceptions, and learning it in university means that I have to have perfect syntax. Even my french teacher says many people in France still get it wrong. Which I guess is fair enough, like I make many mistakes in English too, though you can still understand what I am trying to say...the syntax is definitely not flawless.
Anyway, I meant to blog about something else, but I guess that can wait!
Argument
Everyone looks so happy and smiley when you see them on the street, or look at their pictures. Yet we all know that each and every person has their own sadness buried deep in them, one which they are not allowed to tell of, one which they would never dream of telling of. All this smiling is driving me crazy, but it's not an act.
Each smile is genuine, and each smile helps erase every past argument, every past hurt.
Why can't I ever apologise and just tell you how much I really love you and how much the thought of your inevitable death scares me. Why don't I seem capable of calling you though I claim to love you so. It's sad that I'm living so many years of my life here away from you when I could be there with you. No, everyday it seems I become a little more numb to all these things in my life that aren't matching up, and I'm afraid one day I'll wake up and find that I'm no longer bothered by it or that it's too late. And there's nothing worse than too late. Someday I know I will be filled with this regret and it will consume me. Sometimes I feel like this is all just a fantasy. One I could never find the right words to tell of, one I could never dream of telling of, and one that will always be my greatest burden.
Tour Eiffel
Sometimes, the truth hurts.
Walk on the ocean
"Miss you"
He left me a note, which said: Miss you.
He didn't sign off, neither did he give it to me.
But I knew it was from him.
And I wish I could say: I miss you too.
Yet, it doesn't matter anymore.
I am forgetting it, and if you are too..
xx. for old time's sake.
--
Friendship is weird sometimes. I'll like to think that you and I still share the same friendship we did, you know, the one which was amazing simply because it was you and me? But I wouldn't lie to myself. Changes in our lives are tumultous, we're being tossed in it and we have never been furthur apart.
Sometimes I wish we could still sit and talk for hours, chase after the same things, and create unrealistic dreams which we someday hoped to realise. We never planned to drift apart, but nothing ever goes according to plan. At the very least, we get that.
Miss you, you say.
"Tu me manques"
Il m'a laissé une note
Il dit: Tu me manques.
Il n'a pas signer
Il ne m'a pas donné aussi.
Mais je savais que c'était de lui
Et je souhaite pouvoir dire:
Tu me manques...aussi.
Pourtant, Il n'a plus d'importance.
Je suis oublier, et si tu.
Bisous, pour l'amour de l'ancien temps
Déjeuner du matin
Il a mis le café
Dans la tasse
Il a mis le lait
Dans la tasse de café
Il a mis le sucre
Dans le café au lait
Avec la petite cuiller
Il a tourné
Il a bu le café au lait
Et il a reposé la tasse
Sans me parler
Il a allumé
Une cigarette
Il a fait des ronds
Avec la fumée
Il a mis les cendres
Dans le cendrier
Sans me parler
Sans me regarder
Il s'est levé
Il a mis
Son chapeau sur sa tête
Il a mis son manteau de pluie
Parce qu'il pleuvait
Et il est parti
Sous la pluie
Sans une parole
Sans me regarder
Et moi j'ai pris
Ma tête dans ma main
Et j'ai pleuré
Jacques Prévert
I love this poem. Translation...errr..
1) He puts coffee in a mug, he puts milk into the coffee in the mug, he puts sugar into the coffee with milk, using a teaspoon. He stirs, he drinks, he puts the mug down. WIthout speaking to me.
2) He lights a cigarette, he blows clouds of smoke. He puts the cigarette in the ashtray. Without talking to me, without looking me.
3) He gets up, puts his hat on his head, puts on his coat..because it's raining, and leaves into the rain. Without saying anything, without looking at me.
4) As for me, I hold my head in my hands, and I cry.
Ok somehow it sounded more...literary and deep in french. But anyway, I liked that poem, and the way it's written! (in french..not my weird english translation lol)
Let's pretend
And it seems like yesterday, it was just a dream, but those days are gone.
Homesick.
Funny how, talking to you is still the best, the most thereupatic, the most calming. Still makes me feel like everything's going to be okay, and the crazy thought in my mind that I would give it all, for you.
Crazy.
Three reasons why grace should totally start blogging again:
yah Happy bdae cheryl!!!!!!!!!!
grow up quick
enjoy..... haha.....the cap dosent fit u issit? cos u too small sized...must grow more...
I LOVE CHINESE LESSONS!!!!
so fun
me and shusze and jasmine always have a sandwhich eating party dunring chinese
and julia will always go like ' URGHHHHH!!!!! STOP EATING'
but.... to no avail.....julia's missing out all the fun..... ham sandwhich tuna sandwhich egg sandwhich!!!!!!!!!! but julia's nice cos she gives me loads of water to drink when im thirsty..... and yah.. sorry julia.....cut ur hair today...didnt mean to...... u look funky now...haha
i have officially divorced HON...... haiz...i feel so sad..... i want another hon replacement.......( i wish me and aiwee ould get back together again.....)
but nevermind....... i have shusze my new crapping/dare-eating-in-class/singularity partner.......here's the schedule for chinese leesons :
MON: eat sandwhich
TUES: drink coffee/tea
WED: sandwhich/home ec food
FRI: drink coffee/tea
---
i feel very confused now because:
1) i dunno if i shld eat rice or noodles for dinner
2) i dunno if i shld continue being a nun
3) if my hair makes me look like a/an
a) egg
b) ball
c) girl
d) boy
4) i dunno if i shld stop that brand of shampoo....i seem to be droping hair
5) i dunno if i shld bring pe t shirt tmr becos i dun even noe whether there's band or not
the only thing that makes me feel happy is:
i got a new pair of washed shoes today!!!!!!!
---
today was a horrid day because:
1) i sat on the floor of the MRT train and my skirt became all black
2) it was super muddy everywhere at the carnival thing and i dirtied my shoe( that was only one day's old)
3) cheryl's sponge couldnt save it
4) my shirt got torn
5) wad a bad day......
6) my balloon popped
it was a good day because
1) i finally adopted a son and a nephew
grace
Seriously, her posts are so hilarious, maybe because I know who she is, and what sort of person she is. But meh...I miss them girls an awful lot. It feels like I haven't been home in forever, and everyone's changed, things have changed...I have changed. Yet I know one thing's for sure, if I had to choose one period of my life to be stuck in forever, it would be in the year 2006. Or 2007.....probably late 2006-early 2007. Doesn't matter, I just wanna go home.
And the hard part is that, even when I'm home I know I would miss Melbourne.
I need to start thinking that the grass on my side is always greener.
Breathing
Another skype conversation with Grace. I need a sound proof room so no one's gonna eavesdrop and I can stop "typing/talking". Anyway, it helped clear my head a little...sometimes I know the right thing to do, but I just don't do it. First of all, it's hard to do the right thing, and secondly, maybe I just don't want to.
The thing is, I really don't want to grow dependent on anyone. Past experiences have shown me that it usually isn't wise to be dependent on one person because that person will fail you.
I don't want to be chasing fool's gold. Something which doesn't exist and which never will. I need to believe that I won't lose you as a friend, no matter what.
Shadows and regrets
Each fake smile makes the distance between us a little greater. Love is beautiful, the sacrifices beneath it all makes it so breathtakingly amazing. Memories of hopelessness and of helplessness, of the pain it was causing..who am I kidding?
Once bitten and twice shy. I can't deal with a repeat of how it was. It's forever or never.
I need to release all these pent up emotions...run run run like there's no tomorrow.
