Commit This to Memory

It's funny how band music can make me feel emotions when I'm listening to it. It's just the way the bass changes and the notes seamlessly flow, with dangerously high notes and warm low notes, interchanging, it's like an invisible dance.

Today has been such a, different day. Yet it's still typical.

I'm just sick of some things and I admit I showed it more today. Usually I just laugh everything off, or just tolerate it.

What must I do just to show that you're different, form the rest, while I'm the same.

I keep forgetting that there's a Methods SAC tomorrow.

Dr Allnutt is going crazily fast for Chemistry, I'm "lost" in organic chem right now, I don't know what he's scribbling on the board, all those equations with adding H pluses and electrons and what nots. Thank God there's no chemistry tomorrow. Specialist math is getting more complex again, I hope this is the end of the difficult topics, what's up with substitution integration?! The worst types are those that involve the final answer being trigo inverses.

To save $40 a week, I'll have to bring lunch at least three times a week, and for the remaining two days, only spend five dollars on lunch. In two weeks or so, I can buy another jacket. Wheepee. Maybe I'll find something cheaper in Chadstone and I can get another jacket sooner! I'm addicted to jackets, somehow I just feel happy buying jackets. Generally, I'm in the shopaholic mood this period of time, which shows that, my mood isn't good.

Aiyo lah, that's Dom's classic phrase.

love, 17:33
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Friends

theodore says:
hahaha.ill try to take a photo secretly the nxt time i see any of them
then ill send it to you
hahaha
then you can see them

I miss Theodore..I miss so many people so many things. I can't believe what the new principal at fairfield banned. I thought no food outside the canteen was ridiculous enough. This one totally takes the cake.

This is my second blog post. I really should be doing some of my homework but the mood just isn't there. I've been really crappy to all the people who spoke to me on Msn

Knitting!
It's really scary how this picture was taken by Vanessa without us knowing it. I bet Jinli didn't know too. Vanessa has the potential to become a future Private Investigator. Just that she'll probably muck it up with her usual sotong ways. Just kidding :)

The knitting club is starting on monday :) Stitch and Bitch, it'l be awesome with Mrs Latham.

☺aiwee says:
the more you grow the more worries and problems there start to be
theodore says:
if i was telling you this.i know what you would say
THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!

I think Theodore made my day today. It's just about the right mix of everything

love, 21:08
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It's so sad because I know you wouldn't even notice that I didn't bother speaking to you, and even if you did, you wouldn't bother trying to take the first step, because, it's always all about your convenience at your time and everything about YOU.

Something I saw today really disturbed me, and it shouldn't be that way. Just because it's not happening with me, doesn't mean I shouldn't feel happy for others.

I'm just so disturbed.

It's not a good day today.

On another note, I'm in a really bad mood currently and every little thing is honestly annoying me. I'm just channeling all my anger or frustration on other things.

It really hurts to know that you wouldn't bother ever to try to talk to me, because it freaking inconveniences you.

Why did I bother for the past three months, what did I bother for? You would never have tried as hard as I did. I know that, I know you just too well.

It's been a two nights, and counting.

I miss the atmosphere so, so, much.

And also the fact that, once upon a time, we were actually friends. Now the situation is just sad.

Somehow, I always wonder if you regret it, those days we had, and what made everything change, maybe you grew tired of it? Or maybe I wasn't as fun anymore. Maybe, maybe..these questions never leave. I really wish I could still tell you all my problems, and you would still do what you always did to make me happy.

My smile was different back then.

I think I'm using loaded language.

Yes, I do still remember those special bottles.

love, 18:46
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Kraft

Friends in Line 1(virtual)

Sasha!

My elfish chem teacher

Monica, de-avocado-ing her sushi.

I officially hate Kraft mayonaise.

My potato salad tastes like crap and smells like puke. How sad. This is laziness for you, I just knew I should've walked just that short bit extra to get japanese mayo from the asian grocery.

SIGH.

I'm so disappointed in you, I wonder if you know that.
And no, I'm not talking about the mayo.

There's no school tomorrow, and somehow, I'm feeling kinda sad-ish. At least school really takes my mind off things. Ah, I don't know.
Somebody save me.

I keep telling myself that I'm not going to speak to you ever again unless you take the effort to speak to me first, but, I don't know.

Ugh, the puke smell keeps wafting over, I shall throw whatever's left of that horrible salad in the bin and wash some grapes. Grapes should be good..what could possibly go wrong.

OMG. I just remembered about my bananas. I wonder if they're too ripe. I got a new name, Petri, given by Jinli. It's pronounced pea-tree. I think we should spell it phetri, because the "he" in there implies the correct pronounciation.

I'm just rambling here.

love, 18:47
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Why don't you shock me once, by just remembering, heck, I don't even dare hope you'll actually do it now, but at least remember.

Remember...

I know so well now, the sharp feeling through my nose as my lungs contract.

I wish you'll just remember. No matter how hard I wish for it, you forget, every time. You do.

Time is passing so slowly tonight, I just want to sleep, maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and find that it's stil 2007, and I'll be heading to school, running late as usual, but still, brimming with cheer and energy, knowing I'll see the best people I've ever known in my life. We'll have a great time, like we always do, small arguments here and there but what are friends for? Everything will always be fine and there'll be plenty of laughter love and joy to go around.

Too bad I'll be waking up tomorrow, no change to the running late part, but then I wouldn't be brimming with cheer and energy, because I wouldn't see the people who walked with me through most part of my life, and I wouldn't hear their laughter, and I wouldn't see their smiles.

love, 20:47
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Pods

Mmmmhm, Pods are so heavenly.

I need to borrow Dom's phrase for a moment...

"AIYO LAH!" I left my Specialist Math notebook in the locker and there's a test tomorrow. Well, it's just differenciation, shouldn't be too tough..I hope.

Last day of school for the week tomorrow. Yay for ANZAC day.

I had a whole mindful of a blogpost, but each time I come to this page, evrything decides to play hide and seek with me.

Oh I just remembered that I've got to change my nail polish colour, and while I'm remembering things, I might as well remember that I've gotta bring Fly Away Peter tomorrow, and while I'm still at it, I should as well check the weather forecast for tomorrow as welll!

My mom is currently cleaning to her heart's content in Singapore. Ah, I miss my room so badly, of course I miss all of you more, in case you are thinking that I'm *gasp* heartless. Shame on you, how could you even think that way?!

Let's post some random photos.

Dominic Fransz Morrison's

Dear Monty, would you like to send me the photos now?? I love annoying Monty, she looks like a peacock when she's all flustered. Nobody agrees with me though.

So this is what I look like when I laugh...like a..HORSE. I know Jinli, you were thinking of elf -.-

Look at me! I'm a piece of knitting! It looks like a vampire's tongue!

Now I have to think of what to wear tomorrow. Well, I don't have to, but I feel so free today, partly because my work is in the locker, but that's besides the point. Well, is it really? This is what I do when I've got nothing to do and nobody is free to talk to me. Boohoo.

Oh, I got a new name today, Alex Margaret Kendra, courtesy of Ben.

Sometimes it's just bad to try too hard. It's always "put in your hundred if not your hundred and one percent". Well, sometimes when people try too hard it just comes across all wrong. I really think you're great and all, but sometimes, you come across as plain nasty. Not nasty in the traditional sense, but nasty, in that kind of animallish way, territorial rights, judgemental, I don't know.

But what am I anyway?

Okay, Time to remove my nail polish, it's just getting gross.

love, 19:39
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Starbucks!

"Shall I add more honey?!"
"NO!"

Cooked a shepherd's pie with Jinli and Monty today. It was a rather amusing process. I learnt that eggs do not explode, meat can be thawed in the microwave and not to add to much honey, on top of many other invaluable pointers.

5 upon 5.

Getting all stressed out over graphs in Methods, Mclean's voice was totally giving me a headache today!

Anyway, it's been really crazy, tests and SACs every other day do not spell fun. But on the other hand, I've been knitting quite a bit, and knitting is the best thing ever. Every line 7 you'll see 3 people sitting outside the lifts on level six knitting, purple, green and red. Teachers always stop to say they've knitted before, they're currently knitting, or they're thinking of picking up knitting too.

Yay, knitting!

Let's talk about Jinli, she thinks everybody is the meaning in her life, and her inspiration. She also has very warped visions, thinking that I look like an Elve.

Let's talk about Monica, she insists on calling me HELGA, and after some brain storming, my new name is now something like Tina Helga Elvis Chuah. Monica has a deathly fear of ALL birds(fullstop), and a knife in my hand.

Pimples are frustrating me.

I've gotta wake up early again tomorrorw, to write notes about my english language analysis. Geeeee, I hope Sasha is there tomorrrow or maybe Dom or Guru or whoever. If not I could just fall asleep.

Have I mentioned how Methods is driving me nuts?

love, 22:52
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Chocolate Frosted

My brother's 20th birthday today. Baked a cake with ben and ryan. Jinli was making herself unuseful sitting in a corner attempting to knit.

I don't know why so many people are under the impression that I cut my hair myself. Maybe it was my sentence structure. Well, to clear the fog, I went to a hairdresser to cut my hair.

Biology test was so much tougher than I expected. Doesn't help that I spent last night fiddling with my antique keyboard rather than studying extra hard. My keyboard is so cool, it has five octaves! Not quite enough for me to play the entire Secret, but oh well, it's still pretty cool! I've had it since, I first started to learn music formally. I am going to learn how to play the violin! If everything goes well. Yipppees.

Tomorrow, hmmmmmm, I shall buy knitting needles. Wheeehee, knitting is so addictive even though it looks so horrible when beginners like us do it. Oh Monty, where art thou?

I'm so stressed. English Sac next week, spectroscopy test next week, and specialist math test. I'm not even supposed to say the word stress. Sarah and Jiun have influenced me, I keep saying stress subconsciously. But I am, my language analysis got a C+ and I'm supposed to do a SAC. Let's have a miracle and bring my score to an A, how about that? Chemistry is so insane, Lee Brown's class haven't even started SAC 4 and guess what! My class already FINISHED it. Road-runner Allnutt.

Sorry that I'm burdening you with all my woes. BOOHOO(my favourite phrase to say to Monty).

My mom left for Singapore today. I'm going to cook for this week!

Aiyo lah! I find that phrase so insanely funny especially when Dom says it. Nobody even says "aiyo lah", it's like even more singlish than singlish itself.

Oh, Ryan's expression for breaking glasses is "Omg, the cup exploded". Yes, I broke a cup, it's all thanks to that big clumsy baking tray.

love, 23:20
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Undeserving

I missed many weeks, so many heartfelt gestures, I missed. I stuffed up on that, but it's too late now. I can only start again.

My hair was driving me nuts, so I cut it. I know George, your heartbeat is accelerating right now, but no worries alright, I don't think there's a difference in my hair at all. Not something that is very noticeable anyway.

Golden haired boy for you George.

Vanesssa spoilt the picture! Spot her.

I want to buy a violin.

love, 17:50
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Jinli

Subconsciously, I'm stressed.

Jin Li Tang, here I am BLOGGING, just so you have something to read. I shall post ugly picture of you. I think you're retarded, and I won't steal Chris from you, no worries! :D

English Language Analysis is driving me nuts. Will somebody please save me? Everything is driving me nuts, chemistry is crazy, Doctor Allnutt is a roadrunner, he goes too fast. I miss Sonsie's quirky and slow slow slow pace. Still, I suppose Dr Allnutt's better, in the long run, ha, ha, ha. Literally. Roadrunner, long run.

Something just slipped my mind, and when something like that happens, it's probably one of the most annoying things that can happen. Right, it just came back...

I wonder why I even take chemistry! It's one of the subjects I regret taking. It's kinda late for changes now, the only subject I can change to probably is Furthur Math. Furthur math, chemistry, furthur math, chemistry, I think chemistry's better.

Chemistry is such a pain in the ass. Let's hope things brighten up a little when we FINALLY move on from spectroscopy. Another random note, I hate wearing labcoats.

Excursion to the zoo tomorrow. Should I hope for cold weather or warm weather? Both have their own benefits really. Cold weather would leave me feeling real refreshed the whole day while warm weather might probably turn on the sleepy vibes. Then again, cold weather leaves my fingers chilled, and my throat dry.

Who cares.

I've come to another period of my life where there's nothing much to say. I mean, my life's just like that, what's there to talk about it? Dear Monty, it's been a week since the all black day! Send the pictures to (jinli and) me sooon!

Ooh, all black day. Next tuesday Jiun and I have agreed to wear our black boots and black skinny jeans and black jackets. Will we look evil? Multicultural Festival on 7th May, Jinli and I will go blue and yellow! Yipppes.

First I was afraid, I was petrified!!

Dearest George, I sincerely hope you win your contest and win 500 dollars :)

love, 21:19
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Well, now the canvas is a fiery red,
What an angry artist,
Ruined a lovely painting.
It all had a twist.

Did you anticipate it?

I can't remember what to blog about or where to start.

Capoeira today wasn't such a huge success mainly because we didn't go for it. Went too late for the class so it was hip hop at 1 pm instead. Hip hop is tiring. That's all I can say, but it was pretty fun with Sarah Tiff and Ben.

I guess I just lost all credibility.

Words can't express how I wish I had said what I really felt, selfish as it may have sounded back then, it would have worked out for the good right now. Still, we would never have known, things take their turn, but it's never ours.

I'm exhausted.

love, 17:45
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Summer Fling

I wanted to say this in my previous post, but it slipped my mind. A new post just for this.

To my dear friend in summer, recently I missed you, really, because you were someone who not just talked but also listened really intently. I missed the afternoons we sat on the grass watching seagulls and the clouds pass by. You were the only one here who loves that as much as I do.

I hope all's well for you now, and if you ever come again...well, I'll be really glad to see you.

love, 20:22
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Stress

The phrase I heard(or remember) the most today is, from SARAH, "Stress, la!"

Specialist math SAC, indeed it was stressful but I thank God that it was still manageable. I think Ben was really funny because he was stressing himself out in the library, trying to do up his cheatsheet just because he is "kiasu and does not want to be disadvantaged" LOL.

During the SAC my mobile phone actually rang?! And the best part is I didn't recognise my own phone's ring tone so I didn't know it was me until a considerably long time later. Teo was just like "Oh god, whose phone is that ringing". In singapore I would probably have got expelled or something or gotten 0 for my SAC hahah. Anyway the call was not bearing good news but whatever.

Third day back. I must say school isn't all that bad but nothing compares to school days in Fairfield, which were so much more exciting and dynamic. The only part of school that has elements of Fairfield is Line 7 breaks with Jinli and Monica! I mean, it's always so random but fun(ny). Star popeye snack and Fried Chicken snack! (hahaha)

Oops, why is the picture so large. Monnty send me yesterday's line 7 pictures soon.

I think the routine of school makes the days pass really quickly. It's Wednesday but it barely feels like three days have passed. The day starts to pass really quickly after Line 5. I think line 3 is the worst line of the day, time always crawls.

Alright, another boring post, brought to you by, me.

Capoeira this Saturday! There's so much going on this Saturday.

There was a firedrill yesterday which was seriously so dumb. It was SO dumb. I don't see the point of it at all. It went off in chemistry. Doctor Allnutt did not give two hoots about it and continued doing his calibration curves, Ben was going frantic and shouting out random things like "We've got to get out" or something along those lines. Finally Lee Brown appeared at the door and went "Are you guys going to evacuate?" So well, off we went. Chemistry class is on the NINTH floor, so it was 9 flights of stairs we had to climb down. There was also this MASSIVE human traffic jam in the way too narrow staircases. So it was really dumb because if there was a real fire most people would die. So Ben again came up with another escape plan which was that if there was a real fire, just jump over the railings because you probably wouln't die but just flatten someone -.-

So we were led to Nando's and just stood around disrupting the business of this cafe. It's a really bad system because some people might have breaks in line 3 so they wouldn't really be accounted for, like who would know if they were out of the building or not?! Yeah, after standing around we were led back to school. That's it.

I can't believe I just typed so much about that firedrill. Oh I forgot to add that we had to climb back up NINE freaking flights of stairs after that. Gosh, I felt so faint and poor Sarah who didn't have breakfast nearly did faint lol. We are so unfit.

love, 19:17
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Abcd

So why don't you start by actually taking some initiative, and sparing a thought for how I might(will) feel?

I've really had it. I know I always say that, maybe that's why it doesn't have any effect anymore. It's just too bad for me really, that more often than not, my heart rules my head.

Well, you know how to call me if you want to, don't you. But wait, I forgot you can't even remember my number. Let's not talk about area codes just yet.

I'm irritating, thank you.

love, 17:58
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Bad timing. Yeah, whatever. It's always bad timing. I've run out of energy to say anything because it just gets too tiring.

School tomorrow, I was really hoping maybe msn, if not sms, but what do I get, bad timing. Are you implying it's my fault?

Well I'm sorry. Bad timing, so be it.

Why does it always feel like I'm the one asking, searching, seeking. There are all these things I want to say, but I'm not saying it because I just want to know if you'll say those things I wanted to, those I wanted to hear too.

Door after dooor it's disappointment again and again. Tell me when will I open the door that brings joy? How far would you go to let that happen?

I just need to know because I really mean it when I say I do miss you.

From 23 to 11, it's been awhile, probably faster than I thought.

love, 20:24
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Slipping away

Goodness.

It's Saturday, school starts on coming Monday, and I can just say three words. (No, it's DEFINITELY NOT "I love you") I'M NOT READY. Technically that's four words, but that's alright.

Each day seems to pass by so fast even though technically I'm doing nothing. I don't even watch tv or read the papers or anything. Somehow, in Singapore I feel like I had so much more time and I slept so much earlier back then. I can't imagine how I managed to squeeze homework, school, band, plus my own social and leisure life into those days. Now I barely have time for anything and I mean it.

Two weeks of holidays, and I didn't complete my holiday homework yet while back in Secondary school, I could almost always complete more hol homework in one week. Now I have TWO and less homework, get my point? Another thing is, I go out so much more in Singapore, not to mention all the television I used to watch, and my early bedtime of 10(Nowadays I'm sleeping past twelve -.-)

Sorry I know this is really boring.

Just finding it so difficult to open my Chemistry study guide and just read up on all the strange styles of chromatography and spectograpy whatever it's called. Well, I guess right now I've just gotta focus on my specialist math as there is a SAC on wednesday! WEDNESDAY!!! Oh my, and it's 20%.

So yeah, I just feel so out of time, and I really don't know why. I never ever hear myself saying mentally, "Oh it's only 3 pm still...". Nowadays it's all, "What?! It's already eight(or more commonly, twelve)?!"

Thankfully, daylight saving ends today. So I sorta, kinda, get another hour. But then again, yeah. I get another hour! Hooray? Though I really don't get how the whole daylight saving thing works.

I really cannot believe my holidays are over. I don't feel like I achieved anything, and also I still have got no clue as to where all my time disappeared to. Witnesses with information are encouraged to come forward.

love, 23:14
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So did you go to Telstra?

Today I watched Ben type on my laptop, and I realised that I cannot stand people typing slowly. I mean, it's fine, but I just feel so, argh. Ben types really really really slowly.

Oh! Ben is back from sunny Singapore. Today was a little more exciting than other days. Perhaps exciting is not the word. But maybe happy, because I met many people today. Favourites like Jinli, Monty Monica and Mushroom and Ben, all people I haven't seen for awhile!

Shopped with Ben before we headed back to my place to search on Capoeira classes. Next Saturday, Monica please come with us :) There's no furniture in my current unit. Hooray, big big spaces to do handstands, cartwheels, forward/backward rolls and splits. Tried to make Ben learn the shuffle with me, but no luck.

Then Ben was about to leave when Monica called me and went in her usual Monically(Monica Lee, it's funny okay) tone, "Come down now, we want to come up to your place". Laughed a whole lot, talked and played lots of card games, like speed. It was so stressful, and hilarious at the same time and loads of fun. Jinli is honestly the most retarded player of all. Weet, weet!

Anyway, holidays are ending, which means it's back to that school. Ugh. We should've met up more in the holidays. Now they're ending. Boohoo. Sorry Jinli for always asking the same question!

I've got a pimple on my lip. It's grossing me out. Yesterday was horrible. What was I thinking?!

love, 21:14
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Mediday

So today, it was pretty funny. Fissure sealings?! Tooth fillings?!
Dental appointments. I've never really been to a proper one and today, it was a pretty depressing one. Left me all traumatised, I HAD to do some retail to soothe my nerves.

Okay, actually the whole day has been pretty hectic. I don't think I've really laughed at all this day, well not until I read Monica's blogpost about MUMPS! (hahaha!) I'm so sorry for giving you a false alarm :)

I'm just so stressed. This sounds so silly. I can't find my black pen and my blue pencil, and the zoo excursion form! This does not make me ready to go back to school. Doesn't help that we're packing all over again and clearing all carpeted area of things because, tomorrow the carpet's going to be changed.

So I decided to do some more holiday homework. It's just too stressful. It isn't really about the work. It's having to deal with emotions, maybe, I just don't feel so much like myself, like how I used to feel in term time.

Yeah maybe I should join more classes or activities and have more commitments, but then what? On one hand, I don't want to be totally free with nothing on my hands except studies, but maybe that would give me time to keep chasing after your schedule. On the other hand, this coming term there seem to be so many new things opening up for me, well maybe there aren't but right now, tentatively there are. I don't want to lose my time. Time for what? I really don't know sometimes. Do you know that?

To calm myself, I then tried to coook myself a nice half boiled egg. Guess what?! I had some kind of a rotten egg. No kidding. That just topped up my day with whipped cream and a marzipan cherry. So the egg just crumbled and spilled everywhere and started dripping and made a mess of the kitchen top. How delightful!

Finally, I'm here. Read Monica's blog, laughed, and I'm back here.

love, 23:02
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His Love is Warmer

I just received an email that made me really stressed out. Honestly it's no biggie, but it is making every nerve of mine jump about in their seats.

This is what being in Ms Sia's band, AND not being one of her favourites, does to you. An audition isn't really supposed to be scary all the time, but each time I hear, smell, see, touch or breathe the word "audition", the image that fills my mind isn't a pretty one. Just leaves you with the knocking knees, fingers trembing, stomach (double) flipping kinda feeling.

Just calm down.

Doesn't help that Thursday weather if a flipping 13 degrees max and 9 degress min. I would love someone cominf forward to tell me it's wrong, it's actually warmer. Such cold weather does not soothe the nerves. Well, neither does hot weather, but honestly, having lived near the equator for all my life, hot weather probably goes down better with me. Saying that, I do in fact still love the nice cold weather. Just not when I need to be calm and steady.

I can't wait for Ben to be back in Melbourne! Am I saying that I miss him?! Well, not really so, (haha). Capoeira classes together!! If all goes well.

Hi my ten year friend :) You're insane annoying and my most hated friend! Oh plus you're a rambler and a total social disturbance!

Still, what can I say. You can be a good friend, can be. I'm giving constructive critiscism here, I know you can handle it. You can send me hate mail now. Anyway, I will reply your mail soon! You can count on me!

love, 22:28
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