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Breathe out,
So I can breathe you in

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Saturday, 18 June 2016
Checking in

I've been thinking that I should start writing again. It might start out clumsy, like learning a new language or picking up an old long-forgotten sport. But I hope that I will look back in the future and remember all these thoughts I had. It's scaring me that each day blends into the next, and I am forgetting the little things I have found beautiful, the passing thoughts, and the precious everyday moments that make me feel truly blessed to be alive.

Since moving back to Melbourne last September, I have found myself walking down paths I'd never dreamt of walking.

Sometimes I feel somewhat displaced when I think about all the things I used to do, and how I don't actually have the drive or time to do the same things anymore. The first half of this year was particularly difficult. And for a few months, all I remember was spending a good portion of every day working so hard, but not achieving anything that gave me any sense of satisfaction. Through that, I've come to realise that in spite of how I believe I am not ambitious - it would kill me to do something I did not believe in. It is so important for me to be doing something that I believe to be productive and useful.

Then came the struggle of leaving - thinking back, it was a stress that did take a toll on me. Working extra days, and multiple jobs, and always worrying.

I just feel thankful, to be where I am right now. I could probably be working a little more, ideally, as what everyone else would be doing. But I need to take it at my own pace and not repeat the same mistake of being pressured by what others might think. The past month of transitioning has been a little bumpy, and there were days when I have worried and wondered - what next? Then I remember and tell myself that I'm in a good place right now, and I need to enjoy where I currently am.

love, 16:18
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