Like the time I was standing, and the wind, it numbed me. Thoughts of summer neverending, sun on bare backs, hair cascading. I wish you could be, (I wish you wanted to be)
We could share, something; of any form, It would be cold and we would be warm, It would be warm and we would be cool, It would be cool, and we, we could, we would be free.
And there we'll move, together in the dark, the light. We'll glide together so smooth, the city lights from atop the roof, a thousand miles of fire burning bright.
April skies, the dawn of May, Summer in winter, a rainfall trance, we would dance.
I only wish you would, I only wish you wanted, I only wish, You.
One in 5 people will get swine flu, according to a couple of my friends. From my narrow minded more selfish mindset, I certainly hope it's not going to be anyone I know personally. After all, who really wants to see misfortune fall upon the people closest to you. Maybe that's why I never really know how to answer "if you have to save your mum or the scientist with the cure to cancer blah blah" type of questions.
The week passes extremely fast these days, and the weekend is practically almost non-existent! Swot VAC is starting on Monday and though it's not like I haven't been studying, the start of swot vac creates this additional psychological pressure that reminds me how I HAVE to study....bleagh. Sem one is now over (except exams) and to think I was twiddling my thumbs way back in week two thinking to myself that I would never get through it.
Boon Hee says: just go aiya lets go drink!!
Sigh, why do I end exams on the last possible day on the very last possible time slot :(
I haven't been driving as well, for ages and ages. And ages (just for some impact lol). My friend's too busy with his stuff and well, so am I. Dom's got his red P's...he got it ages ago but he drove me for the first time on Friday. I sound like such a loser, but it is so cool riding in a car in Melbourne mainly because I hardly ever get the chance to! Plus, it's definitely a nice change from catching the tram. Though I must add that riding the tram has its benefits too.
Oh I've also made up my mind to validate my met card regularly. (Trying to live an honest life here.....after DFD about living a life that reflects my God) I had wanted to do that since ages ago, but somehow...I never could. It's hard to explain why, but somehow, something just stopped me from doing the right thing. It seems to be a very trivial matter, at least to me, but every little change is a change, and I really hope this would be the end of my tram fare dodging days.
Angels and Demons is a pretty good show! Saw the commercial for transformers while in the theatre and immediately thought of rachel. I still remember watching the previous movie with her and each time a new transformer appeared, she'll be like "oh that's megatron!" and not surprisingly, none of them were. (lol)
Dear Aiwee, you have FOUR exams...please stop taking breaks every five minutes and also is it really that hard to extradicate yourself from this blackhole known as the internet?
Oh well, I believe I have time and therefore I do. (self fulfilling prophecy?)
My friend said that I am getting fat. WHAT SHALT I DO!
But there are many more important things in life, such as, studying for exams...nup not really. There's this guy who appeared in the news recently. He died while trying to save another person from a couple of low-life thugs. The world would be a much better place if there were more people like him. I'll like to think that I would act in the same selfless way as how he did if I were ever put in such a situation, but it's so hard. Imagine losing your life, so suddenly, so instantly. There's just so much I still have to live for, but at the same time, what am I really living for?
Do we live just to get an education, get a job, "mind our own business", have a family, retire, die....and at the back of our minds, wish the world to be a better place? I don't know, I want to live a different life from that, as a Christian who is called to be the salt and light of the world.
But I'm no superhuman. Some prayer points on the GDOP booklet seem so impossible, like this huge tangle of wool with no start and no end. And then I am reminded what my faith is based on, that my God is sovereign, nothing is too difficult for him and his ways are higher.
Bring back the King. Religion on a large scale is sometimes so flawed, so corrupted, but on a personal scale, religion ceases to exist as a mere category, but becomes a way of life. Not a destructive one, but one that seeks mainly to love, to serve and to bring new hope.
The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Matthew 9:37
Mid review was great :) Not that the pieces I'm doing were perfect or anything...in fact, HMMM!
Anyway, it was just lots of fun getting to know some people better and watching different performances. It sounds really sad, but this is the first time I've hung around my fellow uni mates for reasons other than well, tutorials, or lectures (lol).
Need some motivation to start, STUDYING (hard).
On a different note, I'm craving hawker food, nando's (I know...it's so weird), ice cream, don don box, chocolate (this never ends). AND A TIM TAM!
You know, my assignments always come back with all these PUNCTUATION and sometimes grammar errors which look so ridiculously OBVIOUS. I have no idea why I don't pick them out when proof-reading my assignment. Example: Social spelt as sociol in my criminology essay. How bleeding obvious is that error? I know it's a spelling mistake, but I'm just trying to put into perspective how obvious my errors are.
This picture is funny as...dom looks like he's about to shield himself from the paparazzi, is that how you spell it? Doesn't matter.
Have you ever felt like not doing ANYTHING. I feel like that right now, which is very bad because...alright, I know all my blog is about these days is work LOL but I can't be bothered blogging about anything else...or maybe I don't really do anything else but work and study and go to church and uni? I need a life. Well back to the point, exams are coming really soon it's the twenty third of may!!! I need to start studying something, from somewhere....God only knows where. I have no idea what to study! But life will find a way...it always does, let's take comfort in that.
On a brighter note, I had a great week even though working on friday was tough and tuition earlier was ridiculously bad. The questions the boy asked me might as well have been in greek and my brain was not functioning.
I need to find a talent and get paid for my talent instead of doing jobs with no prospects. OR MAYBE! I could just stop being so money faced. Am I money faced? It's not like I'm stingy or a total scrooge, oh well. There's no point in these statements, there is no point in this blog post.
My life is so pointless sometimes. I could rant on forever. But at the same time, I wouldn't say that life is bad, or life sucks or life blahblah. I feel like smacking myself for being so contradicting and I should shut up, now.
Dear God, won't you tell me what you want in my life?
But the sun will rise in somebody's loving eyes...
I really like this dress, but it's too expensive for an impulse buy. Plus there is no occasion for me to justify such a purchase. You know what was depressing? That dress is a size 8, I'm SUPPOSED to be a size 8, but it was so...TIGHT. I look really tense because I was sucking in my tummy. Gosh. Winter is so bleagh, you just get fat, get pimples, and develop a ghostly pale hue.
Never thought I'd say this but I miss Taylors. Shocking! It still shocks me! So looking at things in a positive way, uni will probably be missed once it's (finally) done and over with. Actually, I can already predict it. You know, when faced with decision making in situations, representations of past events similar in nature are activated.... I can feel the whole "I miss doing assignments" vibe (Did I really just say that???).
Anyway I still feel the occasional stress attack from school work, but honestly I don't know what I'm stressing out about. I waste way too much time each day doing aimless things, can't remember things I read....and you know what needs to be chucked out? My laptop. Maybe I should put some sort of restrictive internet access mechanism so only LMS, portal and supersearch can be accessed. Heck I don't need supersearch anymore for this semester so maybe just LMS. Internet is SUCH. A. DISTRACTION!
Too bad my blog is the only place where I can repeat myself like a broken tape. I wish someone would listen to me ramble all day, but sadly, no one would, and I don't want to either....not to anyone I have access to anyway (haha "access", what a way to put it).
"Five minutes"? Redefined as eternity. It's not such a great paradox, apart from the fact that a five minute break does not quite feel like eternity, while five minutes of study feels like a lifetime.
I had a lot of fun today though, love days off from Uni. Saw a lot of people too...Dom, Elif...GAYBRIEL (lol), Mrs latham. I felt a huge longing to go back to year 12, so much time for relaxation and mucking around.
Tao kae noi! Dom tried it for the first time in his life and he liked it. I don't really have a point in this post, just felt like procrastinating.
I'm un-employed this week :( Then again, I don't really need money and I've always got income from tutoring and my mum. It just feels nice to earn money, it's like something I can be sure of in this whole messy assignment-filled uni life where you never quite know what to expect. Alright, but clearly it isn't so sure anymore. I probably shouldn't have ignored Mary when she texted me last week....but it just seemed kind of lame to text something like, oh, I can't make it.
Nevermind, fingers crossed for next week. It might be because this week's footy matches aren't held in etihad stadium except for the Saints V Bombers match on Sunday, so there aren't any shifts really. But, MARY DIDN'T REPLY ME EITHER!
Hypothesis: By repeatedly pairing a conditional stimulus immediately prior to the unconditional stimulus of an unconditional response, a conditioned response can be learned.
Experiment outline: (Not yet determined)
Results and Findings: (NA)
I'm going to classically condition Dom. (just don't tell him hahah!) Now I just have to think about what the CS and UCS should be. This is going to be so much fun!
Self fulfilling prophecies can be very powerful. When I tell myself to focus in lectures rather than looking at my watch every five minutes, I think I walk out actually learning something.
Anyway, this week has been hetic, from group assignments to just assignments and getting enticed by indian salesmen...it's really been a whirlwind of a week. On the bright side, I called george today :)
Random pictorial representations of the past week...weeks maybe.
1+3: Not my favourite trees at uni, but third and second respectively. 2: I bottle dyed my highlights away...thay're now extinct. 4: Being bored at homicide lectures with David (lol..I ruined his notes with stupid scribbles) 5: Clearly my brother is very stressed at uni and I'm living in denial.
Yeah I've been procrastinating and haven't done ANY studying for three days now, so SUE ME. So annoyed.
Death, it rolled off his tongue. Helplessness, it hid within his eyes. Tense, his body gave it away. Tears, why were they from me?
The concept of death has never been more real to me, I don't really understand why I had to fight to keep those tears away when he could be so strong, but I guess the only thing we can do for him is to be real, and be there.
I'll have to be careful about saying some things though, I could feel that he felt affected at lunch today when we mentioned something related.. in terms of timing, not incident, and...I wanted so much to change the conversation but for once in my life, I didn't know how to.
Darkness settles darkness leaves. Hurt is an abstract, and you are a wound that's slowly healing.
I miss my grandma, I'm hoping that if I go to KL for Sash's party during the mid year break, maybe my grandparents can come with me to KL and we'll erm, chill out there. (lol) After all it's going to be looooong one month that I'll be back and everyone's going to be busy studying anyway. Except, shusze??? No one's going to have much free time and it isn't their fault as well.
I've never met someone quite like this before..WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?!
What is the problem with the world.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH ME attracting weird people. Sorry this will be a bit of a rant, skip it if you wish I'm going to explode.
Nevermind. I decided it's not worth the effort.
My main point is, stop judging me when you don't know who I am. One thing I hate most is people making stupid brainless sweeping statements encompassing the struture of "i think you're ________" to me. Fill in the blank with anything. Especially when it really isn't true, and they're made mainly to seek attention.
It's not just that, it's so many other things which I don't really want to say.....I'm honestly nearly rendered speechless, why are there such hopelessly stupid (in this area, not stupid generally) people in this world???? I just can't understand it.
Then again, we're all arranged like dominoes in this world. While this person is annoying me, I'm probably annoying another person (hopefully not in such an extreme way though...you have NO IDEA) so I shall employ a more forgiving attitude.
It's a thursday, I should be feeling happier about life in general.
I waited eight long years, no not quite. That was just a random figure and an entirely random statement.
I've got a mind map of different types of people I've met and classified; friends, annoyances, special ones, strangers, acquaintances, and it kinda stops there.
Sometimes you fit into more than one, but for my friends they will always be.
Then there is the problem that arises, what if X was a friend only because of another external reason, say, a friend of a friend? Is it still fair to say X was my friend and would it be fair to say he was not?
Whatever the outcome is, right now it feels like X is going under annoyances. It should not be bothering me, but it is because much as X is going under annoyances, a part of me feels bad because there is this obligation in me to treat X as a friend.
Sidetrack, X is a hypothetical friend, not really an actual person.
Back to it, I'd imagine it to feel really distressing because when I die, if nothing else could be said about me, I'll like my friends to say I was a good friend to them.
By friends I don't really mean a whole lot of people, many of them go under acquaintances....and for those who are special, they really are a subset of 'friends'.
Anyway, I'm off.
I've been disturbed lately and I feel like punching someone's face in. So maybe, X isn't all that hypothetical a figure after all.
Everytime we struggle and survive it can only mean that we've grown stronger.
I'm so sick of essays and thinking hard and feeling lost and hopeless. Bring me closer.
Reading through sample exam question for Psych was not very encouraging. I could only answer a few of them and others I had NO CLUE. (honestly......) I need to study....study study study.
Talking to my tutor about my essay plan left me a bit confused but I've decided, TO HELL WITH UNDERSTANDING. I'm just going to hit it and write using the points my tutor gave, even if it doens't make sense to me....I could always find information on it, which I have. Now it's just writing it, bleagh.
I spent two hours reading an article online (reading online is NOT a good idea :/) and another hour setting out the intro for my essay and the first point, hopefully the rest of it will go smoothly and dear god please let me get a H2B. (hahaha I sound a little distressed, don't I?)
Anyway this week's gonna be real boring. Lots of work to be done. I'm feeling very nervous about the PPE exam as well. More than psych cos you know, psych can be studied and it's kinda different sort of "memory work". PPE is just, insane. Oh, and crim.
INFPs feel internal turmoil when they find themselves in situations in which there is conflict between their inner code of ethics and their relationships with others. They feel caught between pleasing others and maintaining their own integrity. Their natural tendency to identify with others, compounded with their self-sacrificial dispositions, tends to leave them confused as to who they really are. Their quiet personalities further feeds their feelings of depersonalization. The INFP's quest for self-identity then seems even more alluring — but increasingly impossible to attain.
As with all NFs, the INFP will feel lost and perplexed at stressful times. As stress builds, INFPs become disconnected from their own personality and perceived place in life. They will lose sight of who they are in relation to time and place. They may not make basic observations, while instead they will focus on the more abstract and symbolic meanings of a particular interaction. This can sometimes baffle those who expect more direct communication and a fairly concrete relationship.
When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPs are typically completely unaware of such things. They might go for long periods without noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off of their project booklet.
Careers
This lists represent careers and jobs people of your type tend to enjoy doing. The job requirements are similar to the personality tendencies of your personality type. It is important to remember that this is not a list of all the jobs possible. And it is very important to remember that people can, and frequently do, fill jobs that are dissimilar to their personality... this happens all the time...and sometimes works out quite well.
information-graphics...designer college professor researcher legal mediator social worker holistic health...practitioner occupational therapist diversity manager human resource...development specialist employment development...specialist minister/priest/rabbi missionary psychologist writer: poet/novelist journalist editor/art director organizational development...specialist
Took this test thing off a link on Visa's blog and this is quite funny, why am I introverted?! I remember doing it last year actually in homeroom but I can't remember what I got now...probably E something. Oh well, take that! I'm QUIET! But the stressful period description is rather accurate, I've been feeling very....emotional and rather badly affected by Uni life to be honest, and I just wanna chuck it all to a side and do what I'm good at, odd jobs (bah). I'm not going to pretend that I'm fine and totally enjoying uni life like it's a total breeze, even though everyone's seemingly, breezing through. It's a struggle honestly, maybe it's because of my multiple extra-uni commitments, but I'm not about to give them up because to me, that isn't really a solution. In fact, it kinda works both ways, I only survive each week because of things I do out of uni, even though they zap up a lot of time. Maybe too much free time last year is taking its toll.
What do I do anyway, hm, tutoring, donut vans, soup K, cell, church, flare, miscelleanous activities oh well. BYE!
