Following your heart is not always the best bet, but it might be the only way to live with no regrets.
One of those letters I wrote and kept.
27 May 2012
You know, when things are written, it makes it concrete, makes it real, and helps you remember that...once upon a time, "this" happened. To be honest, I haven't written in a long time. In fact nobody really does anymore, which is quite sad. These days it's all technology, which I guess, isn't really such a bad thing either.
I know I'm weak, but it was such a sad time, losing my relationship and drifting from one of my best friend's here. And then watching this year's video, I don't know how or why but it reminded me of that night when you, well...it wasn't you, but that night I was so tired of holding it in, tired of how everyone in my life always has some circumstance that causes them to leave. But, I was okay. If I didn't see you or talk to you ever again, I would live. I was just thankful that you helped me through the most horrible months of August through to November last year.
I always saw everything as a choice. Even trust. I wasn't sure how much I could trust you, I still don't know and I wish I could be sure.
---
Packing phase 1.0, of probably 500.99 phases.
In other news, there are less than 50 days left in 2013, and it has been amazing. Lived this year with close to no regrets, and that in itself is the best thing I could have done for myself.
Photolog - Beach/Grampians/Color Run
Perfect sunny and breezy day at the beach with Sash and Kelly :)
Second SBS cell retreat and we went to the Grampians! It was an extremely productive retreat. Planned a surprise birthday, ate tons of junk food, played with sparklers, killed moths, lit a bonfire that was above a spider's nest and nearly died of a heart attack when a giant spider emerged from the fire (omg), went canoeing, climbed the mountains, fed deers, took selfies with deers/alpacas/dingos/peacocks/etc, saw an albino peacock AND an albino kangaroo, and had my head in a raincloud. My life is truly complete.
And...THE SWISSE COLOR RUN! It was my first 5km run, and was truly the happiest 5km. Randomly met Monica in the middle of the run...she was standing in a cloud of pink dust holding her camera which was stored in this cool-ass bag. From afar I thought it was a mirage of some sort, but it was indeed Monica. Caught up with her at the colour festival and had lunch after. I love such random meet-and-catch-ups with friends.
Saying the opposite, doing the opposite, the opposite to everything I really want to say and do.
At least you're happy. Or I hope you are.
6 years
Because I honestly feel happy in dingy places, eating random food, talking about stupid things, with you.
I meant every word, and I always have.
But our track record shows that maybe, you don't. Yet, it really doesn't matter to me. When I think of our friendship I think of being happy in its simplest form - nothing fancy, just genuine laughter and easy conversation that come from having built up such a deep understanding for each other, and I think of the many things you have done for me, and then I think of how I could never have made it to today without having our friendship as the foundation.
I don't think about the times where I've had to pick up after the pieces you left behind, I don't see the times you've disappointed me, I don't focus on any of the sad times - and that's why you have the best of me. I'm going to miss you so much. I want to tell you this someday. That it doesn't matter even if we drifted apart once, because we're in a good place now and that's the only thing that matters to me.
I wish I knew how to let you know just how important this is to me. And how sad it makes me to know that we've never had each other in the right place or time.
Dreams are only beautiful because they aren't real.
