Been very hooked on this chinese show, Scarlet Heart. Yes. It is a brilliant show, though it is starting to become a little boring. But since I've started on it, I have to finish it to find out the ending. Oh well, it's not like as if I've got better things to do, been bumming around all day, all night. Headed to Serangoon with Joy yesterday. I've never been to Serangoon and it's quite a neat area, reminded me of Holland Village. Dyed our hair with some Groupon deal, oh my hair..it's gonna take some getting used to, and I'm dreading the day it washes out to orange or some hideous shade, but for now, CHANGE IS GOOD! Out with the old and in, in, in with the new!
Actually the next two weeks are gonna be pretty hectic. Especially on tuesdays and thurdays, and tomorrow will be a massive day bringing old folks to some hilltop walk and helping Jinli's friend with some wedding preparations. Digression, my dad just asked me if an iPod nano could use whatsapp. Parents can be so comical at times. Anyway, yes. I will start being busy from tomorrow onwards. Oh dear. Just as I was starting to get used to being idle. Idle. Idle. Idle. See, I'm that free, I have time to blog, and type words repeatedly.
This is going to sound so old and used, but I thought we were bonded by some sort of connection that would never change. Maybe it sounds lame, rather than used. I mean, the whole "oh it'll never change" bullshit.
And I tell myself that, of course, you're still going to be there and so will I. That this is just a bad patch, and it'll blow over soon. I'm losing track of how many times I've told myself those lines, sometimes it feels like I'm saying it just so I still have something to believe in.
We all know it's the little rifts forming that are the hardest to deal with. See, there are so many things I no longer talk to you about and so many things you no longer tell me. Maybe we are outgrowing this friendship, maybe we've both grown a little weary of the never ending cycle of a repeated problem. Something we both can't let go of. Maybe maybe maybe.
I don't hate or get angry. Honestly. I don't know what to do apart from pretending that everything is normal.
Suddenly reminded of the first music cover Aaron and I did together for Wanhui hahaha, and Andrew loading it onto his turntables and doing some stupid remix with the guitar knocking part repeating....actually it's a fuzzy memory I can't remember much about it anymore. Just that, those were some good times.
London has been nothing short of amazing. Been walking everywhere with an iPhone map in hand, and constantly recalibrating the compass by "waving iPhone in a figure eight motion" (LOL!). Met up with Wanhui when she flew to London on one of her, what would you call them, work trips? The feeling of meeting a friend in a foreign land is really liberating. You're free from everything and you do whatever you want. Thank God for technology though, the iPhone map truly is a life-saver.
I'll miss this place when I'm gone. Or perhaps, I'll miss not having to care - about work, about school, about people, about the future. Oh dear, I am so dreading the day my holiday ends. Still, I've said it before, and I still stand by it. I would much rather stay in reality than to lose myself in my escape.
At least I won't get too attached to reality. Still, I'm really hoping for a change in 2012. Honestly, I'm getting really tired from living a life where a part of my heart is always in the parallel world. It's almost like I'm living two lives, and it's not easy. There's just too much confusion, I wish somebody would understand. Understand situations which have no way out and understand that waiting is all that can be done. Take it a day at a time. So, I did just that and look where it took me. Friendships broken and actions I might regret. Just don't regret them then, alright..I won't.
Forget new year's resolutions. I always forget them, and I never achieve them. Then again, there's always one resolution I remember...that is "I'll be happy".
So, for 2012. I'll be happy.
2011 - live, love, laugh. If I would just open my eyes a little wider and look beyond the confusion I won't let go of, I would find many things to be thankful for. The many things that brought me through this year. Blessings in disguise like summer school that was the start of new friendships. Aaron, who has been and still is one of greatest and most supportive friends. I honestly, can't stress enough, how much worse the year would have been if not for him. Even if he had to leave eventually.
2012 would probably be yet another different year. I have a strange habit of imagining what I was doing on this exact day last year at the start of every new year. The start of 2011, the VERY start of 2011, I was worlds apart from where I am today. As we add years to our age, the years become increasingly dynamic. I don't know, primary school and secondary school were never all this tumultuous, it was pretty much, static. Makes you realise how precious that innocent oblivion to the complicated nature of the adult world is. Not that I really consider myself an adult, just saying.
I'll miss JL in 2012. I'll miss the friday late-night hang outs planting unicorns, eating wicked wings, getting lost, "fush'n'chups" and all that. Melbourne just won't be the same without Jinli around. I just realised that JL is the longest friend I've had in Melbourne together with Dom :O
