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Breathe out,
So I can breathe you in

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Friday, 26 November 2010
You're gonna lose everything

So irritated right now. ARGH!!!!! I spent an hour scanning stuff at Uni today, but somehow it's not in my thumbdrive?! GAH!

Sometimes I feel like I've got a personality disorder, because there are times when I really hate you. I hate the way you think you can say whatever you want, and act like you're so much better just because I'm nice to you. Just because you need to feed your ego. I'm so sick of all this. I feel like such a fool because I'm never going to say this.

It's funny how I remember feeling this exact same way, almost exactly a year ago. I'm not your punching bag, but no I'm not your punching bag.

If you're scared about the future, I'm scared about the past.

Anyway, random picture from JL's birthday last night...my face is seriously ballooning, need to exercise!

love, 18:38
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Monday, 22 November 2010
You are the only one


What am I waiting for?

I really don't have the right words to say, don't do this to me. I know right now I seem selfish and self-centred, but I really don't have the right words to say

love, 23:50
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Sunday, 21 November 2010
Oh if I'll only seen that the joke was on me

I'm really not that person, you know, I'm not.

But it doesn't matter what they think, right?

love, 21:42
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Thursday, 11 November 2010
Flames to dust

Disappointment has got to be the worst feeling ever. Why am I not surprised, guess somewhere deep inside I knew this would happen, I just stupidly held on to some hope.

I told myself I would never fall again..right, who was I trying to kid. So many contradicting emotions..I don't know how to feel, the only one that shows is my unnecessary laughter.

The fact is that I cant erase everything that's happened, and all the best memories I have because of you. I don't want you to have to see the ugly side of me, I don't want you to hate me. I've been trying to keep up by pretending, but I really can't do that forever.

I don't want to see you on the street and have nothing to say. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to admit that I already have. It's nobody's fault...it doesn't make sense, I just don't know how to let this slide.

love, 18:02
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Wednesday, 10 November 2010
Warm in the shadows


I AM HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plus, I can't wait for the holidays, first exam starts tomorrow. Right, I should study. Yet another, "world's worst blog post".

There are so many things running through my mind. I can't FOCUS on studying. I miss shusze, and all the fun things we did together :( Dear shusze, I promise to save money, until I have paid off whatever I blew (300++ left?! omg time flies), and save enough so we can go see George, and see everyone in real again, no need for skype conversations! You know, I miss living together and sharing toilets and food and fighting over blankets, deciding what to wear each morning(!!!) and what not! Shopping together, and seeing the world. Plus, I will never forgot your amazing ability to take hundreds of pictures :O

P.S. Rachel save money too!

I cut my hair. 3.5 inches. Well, some people couldn't even tell, it baffles me...because it's such a huge difference (to me). I didn't like it initially, you know, the whole fat face insecurity issue. But I kinda like it now. I feel, free. It's weird, but it's true.

love, 17:03
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Sunday, 7 November 2010
12:25

I need some new clothes.

I've spent far too many days dressing like a slob and walking around in my PJs...ish. Sleeping clothes, in other words.

A combination for disaster; exams, memory, a strong attraction, late nights, lack of water.

If someone were to ask me now, why I feel like I "love" you, believe me, I would have an answer. Damn right, I would. I wouldn't be able to say that I don't know why I love you, no I wouldn't. One shot for my pain, one shot for my sorrow, where's that last shot for my stupidity? Maybe I blew my chance, maybe it was just a big fantasy on my part, but, so what? You have the best of me, the best, only the best, nothing but the best. Perhaps I shouldn't spoil that. Why would someone like him ever look at someone like me?

I know I shouldn't, but I let myself indulge in those moments where we are perfect. Were perfect. Then it really does, simply disappear. Without a trace. I can't even dream about it, or keep the memory in a bottle. I just have to let it go.

12:35. Ten minutes.

All these songs, I hear the same words, the same tune. What's happened? I just can't make sense of it. I can't ask you for the reasons. Far too many contradictions, no I can't make sense of it.

love, 00:26
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