Shades of gray, please...fade away
"One day Jesus said to his disciples, "Let's go over to the other side of the lake." So they got into a boat and set out. As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger.
The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Master, Master, we're going to drown!"
He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. "Where is your faith?" he asked his disciples.
In fear and amazement they asked one another, "Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him."
Luke 8:22-25
Jesus said, where is your faith. He didn't ask, how much, but he said, where is it?
Two kinds of letting go, one, just giving up and feeling bitter over it.
The second kind, letting go knowing that God is in control. We're thrown into these pivotal circumstances and all we have to do it trust God, is it that hard? To me it really is, I need to see results, I have to see things happen, but all I really need is to know that He has only my best interests at heart and I have to wait.
Imagine being on the same boat as Jesus, and yet being scared of the winds and the storm. Imagine that, it seems laughable, almost stupid. I would be scared only because I didn't treat God like he IS God. I don't trust that he can do all things.
Today I met this guy who stormed away from church barely fifteen minutes into it; he wanted to go home. I was in no position to do what his mum wanted me to. How could I tell someone it was good to stay when I was doubting it myself? Four hours later, all I could say was...you learn a lot about yourself that you never might.
He decided to stay on for another three months. Three months might not be enough to change his mind about things. Heck, it's been a year and I always have second thoughts. The difference between him and I, as I've said before...is that, unlike me, he has a choice.
I made mistakes, the biggest mistake of my life. But at least I know what I really want now...I miss you more than ever, and you make me hurt more than ever.
Shades of gray, please fade away.
Look at me.
Read those words, words, words, words.
I seem to vent into my blog too much don't you think? Well, I shall set a ban on blogging tomorrow. God I should stop sounding like a total loser. If I have to travel to Werribee and back to keep myself occupied tomorrow, TRAVEL I SHALL. (but with 200 train cancellations everyday, the last thing I want is to be stuck in Werribee)
I'm not really angry, but it's just hurting how you never bother replying my messages even when you can later on once your activities are over. Well am I the image of your hopes and tragedies? Because you're the image of mine.
Two jumps in a week I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy
My eyes hurt. Maybe it's because I'm still wearing contact lenses I should've thrown out a week ago.
Passed my L's. Swear I thought I would fail. Was counting the questions I wasn't sure of = most likely to get wrong, because, I've done the online tests and I suck at guessing. Dom's giving way to the right trick came in handy though, Joel burst out laughing when I called it a trick because according to him, "mate that is one of the most important rules on the road" and it's, "a fundamental of our roads, without it society would break down".
0.0
Well, now I know, but according to my results slip I have to revise
1. Learning to Drive
2. Give way Rules
3. Sharing the road safely
4. Turning
Okay, so everyone congratulate me now, and no not in Dom fashion by saying "another scary driver on the road now" but say encouraging stuff. I promise to learn the rules properly now that I've done the test :)
Well this morning I woke up at NINE(am) because of a call. The point is, I started thinking about the choices some people have the priviledge of having, and how others don't have that same priviledge. Someone said, he would go mad if he stayed here and his concerned mum was getting in touch with me. Wow, he was here for...two days, and felt like going mad. Somehow that made me doubt my own sanity, have I gone mad and not realised it?
I had a choice, a Hobson's choice, which essentially boils down to not having a choice. He'll break his parents heart, and keep his by going home, but see, his parents want to leave him an option out and they don't want to see him broken. Maybe that's the difference, they were all Christians. I don't know where I'm heading with this, but........I jsut thought again, what if?
If I could turn back time, I know for sure what I would do. Heck about having grown "stronger" and being more independent, I'll trade all that just for a piece of me again, you know, the one that was happy and not just laughing.
I don't need an imitation
I read those words and I.....
Bit my lip and tried not to cry, for the times we've had, and the times we've lost, and it's easier to run but I hope you don't run from me, please don't let go.
The only love I ever knew I threw it alll away....and I can feel you breathing, and it's keeping, me awake.
The trees are sick. Look at the amount of leaves on Swanston..in FEBRUARY!
Added pictures to my wall, walls, whatever, in the dead of the night yesterday. So much for complaining about being bored the whole day, I ended up sleeping at two. I don't know why...I never do anything constructive during the day, but enjoy pushing everything till late at night. Maybe it's the hot weather.
I feel a little dizzy and sick right now, it's just too freaking hot I feel like puking and it's not just an expression, I literally feel like it.
Woke up feeling adventurous and thought maybe I might wear the disastrous sweater out.......changed my mind. It was too hot anyway. Went down to Vicroads....it was a sauna in there, the same nauseous feeling kept creeping up my throat and for some reason my legs were aching, and the waiting room was FILLED. No ventilation, no fan, no aircon, god it was a 30 odd degree day. HELP.
See that ear ring there, I had a helluva time removing the ball from it. Maybe it has something to do with how I've cut my nails too short(again..). Maybe not.
After having a terrible time wrestling with that ball trying to get it off, I found that I could NOT put it back in. The way I was handling that earing...picture: violent shoving and pushing and twisting, was also definitely not how I can be handling it when actually putting it into my ear hole.
By some miracle, I managed to tease it into my ear hole(it was not easy, at all).....but still no luck with shoving that ball in. So guess what, I went down to the shop to have them stick that ball in for five bucks. After all that prior stress incurred, I should've just gone down from the start. SIGH. I foresee an ear infection......
DIY GONE WRONG! >:(
This sweater looks pretty shit, I don't think I'll ever wear it out. There are so many things wrong with it....I'm not really done, but well, I didn't really have a plan so it could be considered finished anytime. It's so yucky, I"M CRUSHED.
You know what went wrong? Okay, maybe you don't wanna listen to my story...but I'm saying it anyway.
Firstly, the colour is totally, not right for this. Both the sweater and the fabric. The fabrics tinted slightly purple by the way, though it doesn't show up in the pic. The sweaters some kind of beigeyishhh(that was, beige-y-ish). The cut outs are too smallish, yet not small enough to be small, know what I mean? THIS SWEATER IS ALSO 70% LAMBSWOOL which means, it's going to shrink in the wash unless it's preshrunk. Oh dearie me..please let it be pre shrunk. The sheer fabric is also EXTREMELY sheer, you know it's something like, those really fragile kinda scarf-y material, oh my goodness what's happening to my ability to express myself. Anyway, it's really really thin and that's not the bad part, the bad part is that the threads are woven very loosely so when you stick a needle through it and pull sideways hard enough, you just create a line in the fabric and the needle goes off. Oh the sweater was a turtle neck as well..I just hacked away with it, but again, no planning so it's kinda stuffed as well. Ah.
Okay, rant over.
I completed my first job in Australia today selling green tea(LOL). It was very tiring. Five hours of standing behind boxes of green tea yelling "ONE DOLLAR ONE DOLLAR, GREEN TEA, ONE DOLLAR!" really takes up a lot more energy than I expected. But the pay is very much better than what I got in Singapore. Emphasis, VERY MUCH.
Well, today I realise that Southbank is a nice place to chill out. It has this relaxing feel to it, open space, water, bridges...you know, that kind of atmosphere where you kind of let your mind just be. I worked in that white tent, lol, not in the impressive Crown building. Pretty impressive, anyway. TIRED ME AFTER FIVE HOURS, but it was a fun experience. Makes me want to learn cantonese more, I picked up a few more terms today! Btw, the tshirt's pretty funky, it has this futuristic looking cow/bull on it, oh wait..it says OX on the shirt! (Chinese New Year Promo..)
Strange phenomenon in Melbourne...WHY ARE THE TREES SHEDDING THEIR LEAVES??? Is it autumn now? I thought it was ages till autumn. Ok, just one month more..but still, I saw an awful lot of leaves everywhere today, more than usual anyway. I mean, who notices leaves around in their normal everyday life unless there are tons of leaves right?
FEDERER VS NADAL! Final match! I will watch the final set, which is...right now I think.
Quote from Dom, "I hope nadal wins, he seems like a nice chap"
HAHA..Who chooses which tennis player to support in that way? Well, I don't know who to support. I'm sitting on the fence!!
