"Don't cry when it's over, smile because it happened"
Here in this bustling city. I have grown more accustomed to the workings of this world with each day that passes.
Pause, pause, pause. Rewind, there's no such thing.
When you took my hand and silently wished. Everything said in those dark confines spoke of uncertain futures and opportunities missed.
Even if there were just fleeting thoughts - wish you were here to see this, you would've loved this, wish you could've been here. But you wish I could be there, and I wish the same. And that's how I know I am and always will be the 60 and you the 40. Because life is never 50-50.
What am I running from, what am I running for
So, I'm now 23. Still as conflicted as ever, still as undecided as ever, still as clueless about life as ever.
This is what scares me. I'm going to turn 45 and still be as lost as I am right now.
It's been forever since I blogged, which is actually a good thing. Because I've noticed a trend where I only blog about unhappiness, internal conflict, unpleasant thoughts and things along those lines. There was a point in August where I felt like the only thing that kept me holding on was the fact that I needed to keep up the appearance of being okay, for appearances sake. Looking back now, the problem really was in my mindset. All the negativity was consuming my thoughts and everything took a negative spin.
I'm trying to let that negativity had to go. Either way, things weren't going to be changing so the only thing left to change was my own self. Something always has to give, in everything.
In that way, I've been feeling more at peace lately even though nothing about my life has really changed. Perhaps it's due to the passing of time that allows for adjustment and adaptation, and I don't know how long it'll last.. but it's been a long time since I've felt so 'okay' about everything. And right now, I don't think I could possibly ask for anything more.
---
Today's a public holiday, and I spent most of it catching up on household chores and thinking about how the past year has been. I had been afraid to really think about things, because this is one of those years where I feel like I have achieved nothing, and this is one of those years that I've tried to fast-forward as much as possible. The number of "count downs" I've created just to give myself something to look forward to? Countless.
But today, the thoughts came in on their own - and I think, the one thing that I appreciate so much is that I haven't quit in anything yet despite all the times I've felt so discouraged and hopeless. And I could only hold on because there was always someone who would remind me in one way or another why I do the things I do at that very crucial moment.
What am I running from, what am I running for
So, I'm now 23. Still as conflicted as ever, still as undecided as ever, still as clueless about life as ever.
This is what scares me. I'm going to turn 45 and still be as lost as I am right now.
It's been forever since I blogged, which is actually a good thing. Because I've noticed a trend where I only blog about unhappiness, internal conflict, unpleasant thoughts and things along those lines. There was a point in August where I felt like the only thing that kept me holding on was the fact that I needed to keep up the appearance of being okay, for appearances sake. Looking back now, the problem really was in my mindset. All the negativity was consuming my thoughts and everything took a negative spin.
I'm trying to let that negativity had to go. Either way, things weren't going to be changing so the only thing left to change was my own self. Something always has to give, in everything.
In that way, I've been feeling more at peace lately even though nothing about my life has really changed. Perhaps it's due to the passing of time that allows for adjustment and adaptation, and I don't know how long it'll last.. but it's been a long time since I've felt so 'okay' about everything. And right now, I don't think I could possibly ask for anything more.
---
Today's a public holiday, and I spent most of it catching up on household chores and thinking about how the past year has been. I had been afraid to really think about things, because this is one of those years where I feel like I have achieved nothing, and this is one of those years that I've tried to fast-forward as much as possible. The number of "count downs" I've created just to give myself something to look forward to? Countless.
But today, the thoughts came in on their own - and I think, the one thing that I appreciate so much is that I haven't quit in anything yet despite all the times I've felt so discouraged and hopeless. And I could only hold on because there was always someone who would remind me in one way or another why I do the things I do at that very crucial moment.
