Cinema Love
Went back to dance seriously (sort of). I love dancing with Sherry, with the dance ministry and feeling the exhaustion after. Evangelistic night is coming up really soon too...something to look forward to for the dance ministry.
Every dance we do together as a ministry always seems to mark a different phase for us as a ministry. At least, each dance we do together represents a different period of life for me. I remember them all. Starting with the first dance ever, when Peter, Eunice, Suyan and I first danced together. Followed by the first missions convention dance we took part in, which marked the first time I choreographed for a dance to be performed. Then there was a temple day dance, which happened a few days after I had the worst fall while jogging. All these dances were during what I would call, the "pre-revival" days. Those days we only had four people including myself, and each dance barely hung together. The next dance, we collaborated with the music ministry. That was the start of a sort of revival for us, new members, new leader, new visions. Second missions convention dance, the ripple effect, possibly the dance with the most powerful message thus far. I could say that was when we were, as a ministry, truly thriving. We had great fellowship during rehearsals and everyone supported each other in everything from choreography to music selection to prayer. Welcome night, where we experimented with props for a change. Thanksgiving sunday, attempting the seven days of creation, the fall of Man and the saving grace of the gospel. That's possibly one of my favourite dances for more reasons than one. It was at the end of the year and a great way to wrap up for the year, everyone really came together for that dance as well, making costumes and props together...and I remember that marked the start of something special for me. We ended that year on a high note, I remember thanking God for everything that He had blessed us with. Yet another Welcome night dance, which marked many firsts and lasts - the first dance with a new leader again, the first dance which was choreographed mainly by a new member...but the last time the previous leader danced with us, and the last time Suyan danced with us. Then there was Montage...which for me, was the most challenging dance, it coincided with a period of uncertainty...uncertainty about where I was really going with dance, if I could really go on with dance knowing that I would have to face up to certain problems? And yet another welcome night dance, one which most of us didn't participate in.
Leading on from the period of the montage dance, it felt like the ministry was starting to fizzle out. Members were leaving or had left and we had changed our practices to once a fortnight. After a practice one sunday, I was talking to Di about dance and I guess she felt the same way too. We're now down to four members again and it just doesn't feel the same anymore. Funny how I remember telling one of my friends...about how in Flare dance everything changes so quickly and when you're not there for a period of time, you return and it's like a whole new world. He told me he hoped that the dance ministry would always stay close together. It's quite sad how far apart we all are from one another now. Those remaining in the ministry are still close but it saddens me to say that apart from that, we're no different from others. It makes me sad to say that we requested help from someone who used to be a member and he refused.
Honestly speaking, I had been distancing myself from dance, there was so much more I should have been doing for dance. So much choreography I had been putting off, practices I had been missing...Perhaps it was selfish of myself. To have left two friends I cared about in the dance ministry to have a "two-man-show" practice literally, but things will change from here I'm positive of it.
This upcoming dance for evangelistic night will truly be a test of how we rely on God to provide. It's two weeks from now and I guess we have come to accept that we will have to make do with what we have, and try to portray a message that will cut through.
Maybe someday, somewhere, you'd be talking to me like you knew me.
Placement week...six?? I don't know where we're up to. Week 7 of uni just ended, it's starting to get crazy. Two assignments due next week and another four or so due after the semester break. I'm becoming really good at procrastinating as well. There's so much stuff I know I have to do, but I'm not motivated. Absolutely no interest at all in swallowing and voice. Though, funny enough that every time I say that...I usually end up being really interested in it. Just like how I hated stats and ended up sort of loving it.
Went on a random spontaneous trip to Brighton Beach yesterday. The last time I went there, it was 2010 and I was an entirely different person. Anyway, the winds were crazy...a friend and I trekked on the rocks from Brighton Beach to Middle Brighton. It took us about an hour? We started singing random songs at the top of our lungs and I felt really free just feeling that crazy wind blowing against me and forming knots in my hair and stepping from rock to rock. It would be really nice to just sit there if the wind wasn't being as crazy as it was.
Speaking of which...this wind is truly insane. 7 days into SPRING and it still feels like the coldest time of winter.
And, on that note...it's been what, 8 weeks now or something? I'm losing track myself and yet, I know I still haven't found it in me to be able to forgive you completely. I don't know if I ever will, I have never felt quite so betrayed by anyone else in my life.
Give me nothing but truth
Procrastinating...
Had the best time at retreat over the past two days. It was a good time of learning new things and reinforcing old knowledge about Jesus, God and the Holy spirit. I guess the past six weeks haven't been the best times for me, but I know that whatever happened isn't the end. I guess the past two days really sealed it all together for me.
I need to stop procrastinating. It's just so annoying to have to cut down words from my essays. I miss the hours of free time spent playing balderdash, basketball, bridge, and jamming on the guitar already.
