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Breathe out,
So I can breathe you in

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Tuesday, 12 January 2016
If I ever forget

28.12.15

"Good morning, you sleep alright?"

Waking up next to you, waking up to a new day knowing that it would be a safe day.

The last of the four days. Pulled up on Queen Street, I don't know how we got there but you did it for me anyway. 95% of you leaning in to get to me. Because you wanted to.

I was so afraid. Why would I be, or why wouldn't I be?

---

10.01

This date two years ago, I was leaving on my own. Holding on to a person that never really cared for me. Maybe that's harsh, putting it in such absolute terms.

It felt surreal, thinking about all the events and time that had passed. The things I have had to do, the things I have learnt.

---

10.01.16

"Like a mudskipper!"

"Or a sea turtle…"

"My sea turtle."

There was no possibility of drowning. I don't know how long this would last, but I knew for that moment, there was no possibility of drowning.


love, 10:17
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Sunday, 3 January 2016
Hello 2016

There's a sense of calm that surrounds me these days. A feeling of being safe, and being able to breathe easy.
An effortless kind of happy. And I'm not afraid to say it today.

Because for a long time, I was always afraid to talk openly about the kind of happiness or joy that came from things that really mattered. Not the sort that is short-lived, but the type that creates a protective buffer against all the other things that happened around you.

---

2015 had been a mixed year. I spent most of it counting down, 23, 19, 15, 2…how many more weeks to go? That always was the recurring thought in my mind as I created a new habit of counting the weeks on the calendar. Between January to September, it seemed January was the only month I really lived as my own person. The months leading up to June, and then September…they feel unreal, like they never happened. But I know I wouldn't trade those times for anything else. I wouldn't be here if not.

Everything, good or bad, can change in a moment. It was good, and then it was bad, and now it's good again. Life never stays static. This too shall pass - good times, bad times. I don't know if anything is exempted.

---

Hello 2016.

You have been so good to me thus far. It's been a long time since I have said this, but I look forward to a new year.


love, 14:35
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