Catch me when I fall
I tend to underestimate myself all the time, and now I'm afraid I have defined who I am - mediocre for life. All the things I fear the most are slowly consuming me from the inside. As I type this, I'm validating it, and in doing so, it's becoming truth.
But no, that is not what I am. I think I'm weak but I know I can be strong.
I'm still afraid to open myself fully. I'm someone who worries and I might die worrying. It's okay, being a 'worryer' I tend to leave myself options. Well, I think I do. Then, I hate the way I've become so I try not to worry. Easier said than done.
Please be there. The words "I'll be there for you"..I've been thinking about those words in a literal sense. Being there for somebody. I have always been afraid of the social phenomenon known as 'awkward silence'. Many friendships are built on there being something to be said and a mutual exchange for pleasure. I'm afraid to let someone be there for me. They get nothing out of it, and I would create awkward silence - something which is at best, torturous.
This is why I could never forget you and I would never want to, and would live each of those days waiting and wishing.
Slept at 1130 and got up at 8...AND still feeling tired. Also my back is aching really badly, for some strange reason that remains unknown to me.
It's kinda weird that I don't blog anymore and I don't know how to blog anymore. I believe I have been struggling with this issue for awhile now...well I'll spare you the dramatics and just leave it at that.
Life has been bittersweet. There are the times when things are good, and there are other times when things are also..good, but I wouldn't be. This is such a tired and overused phrase, but I just want to be happy. I feel like I must have a lot repressed in my "unconscious"...perhaps I need a good talk with Sigmund Freud. I think he is actually a rather interesting person. His theories are entirely out of this world, but yet could still hold true to some extent. What I like most about him though is that with his various theories, humans can be seen as individual. There aren't really any categories in which he groups people Into. I mean..the world practically almost has an obsession with categorising. Almost everything around us belong to some category. I guess I don't really have anything against that, it does make life a whole lot easier...imagine walking into a grocery store with everything everywhere! I have trouble looking for stuff when everyhings nicely organized! But I do believe that everyone is different, and to cut a long story short, I hate it when people are categorized!
Actually, I think it's called stereotyping. Well well if that just came to mind a little sooner we could all have been spared from the above paragraph.
Gonna work today. I'm forever out of cash :/ after this week of working I'll be able to afford that awesome pair of shoes! Have I mentioned, I've got a huge fetish for shoes! It was getting quite worrying, then I realized.. On the bright side, I'm not bein obsessed with food and eating. That would be extremely worrying, plus I'll get fat and unhealthy.
And I feel like a new born child
Wealth and riches and many material things are all temporary in this life. I feel like I need to reconnect with what's really important in life; love, friendship, kinship and pure peace and happiness.
You're so very special; I wish I was special
Sometimes I feel invisible, and I wish someone would look at me
2009 + 1
I totally skipped out on one of those "Last day of 2009" posts, even though there probably is a lot of say.
Pretending that it still is 2009, "this year", I...
- Drifted from many people
- Stayed true to my feelings
- Allowed myself to try hard and pushed my limits
- Did many things I never thought I would.
Uni has taught me to be succint in my writing.
Not really.
2010 really is starting. I almost see 2009 flashing before my eyes. The various part time jobs I took up, countless partying nights with the ever party-worthy JL and Sasha Fierce, freezing nights out on the streets getting to rehearsals, Saturday nights with PBJ, Friday's with Dominic, dull swot vacs, freaking out over assignments and the never ending uni readings (ughhhh). Just another 2 months and here we go again, I wonder how 2010 would be.
2010 is a year when everyone truly moves on. Many people moving on from the ready-set "primary-secondary-jc" path and building their own paths...Who knows how 2010 would unfold. I just want to thank everyone who have been there in 2009. Thanks for keeping me the person I am right now.
Most of all, I'm happy that you and I...we're where we are, and there's nothing better I could've asked for. I remember writing to you back in Januray 2009, and now in January 2010, I still mean everything I said. Nothing has changed from then, and that's probably the only part of me that has remained constant the whole year.
