<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/7727954093703128555?origin\x3dhttp://sunsneeze.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
Breathe out,
So I can breathe you in

Archives
November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 May 2016 June 2016 July 2016 August 2016 December 2016 July 2019 November 2019 December 2019


Sunday, 25 May 2014
Never meant to be

It's five days to June. The halfway mark of 2014. I've been here for four months, and what have I got to show for it?


The problem with me is that I seek perfection and I need to learn to be satisfied with what I have. 

On a separate note. I can't remember the last time I woke up with no aches in my body. I need to either eat more protein or give my body a break. It's been pole/dance/work out/more pole/more dance/more work out on repeat. since the start of the year. I never imagined I would ever be this strong. Just yesterday I managed to do a fish flop roll and a toe rise - which I had tried to do a few years ago and deemed it a task that shall remain impossible. And after what feels like forever I'm now able to lie in my centre splits as well, which was also a task I had pinned on the impossible list. 

So, what was the point of all this? I don't know really. Just that 2014 looks to be a year to lose myself in physical exertion. And looking back, I had started from absolutely zero, but have managed to develop my body in these ways. Perhaps starting from zero in life management skills and working it one day at a time is the attitude I need. 

Maybe it's my mind that needs a break. Not my body. 

love, 16:23
0 comments


Friday, 23 May 2014
Let it go

What else transpired that night? Nothing, just silence. I remember lying in bed wondering what the future would hold.

But I've come to realise that when I left, I disappeared, almost as if I had never existed.

Back then I was filled with hope , these days I count down to the weekend from Monday. I'm living my life by count downs. Essentially, I have lost all hope in the things that we had hoped for together. It doesn't really matter that he never kept his promises and I couldn't keep my own resolve. To be strong, to hold on.

I never thought that things would come to this. But we're nearly halfway through 2014 and I've learnt talk is cheap.

Metaphorically, you've changed and hence you're gone. I miss you so much and more so because I know our time is over.


love, 02:02
0 comments


Saturday, 3 May 2014
The things that weigh down

I don't know how to put it. On one hand I'm tired of saying that he's my best friend. Because the truth is that he hasn't been anything remotely close to a friend. On the other hand, I'm trying not to see that our friendship no longer holds any real substance.

It's kinda stupid carrying on traditions when they have become meaningless, but traditions are hard to break. Once broken, there would be nothing left to hold on to, no crafted significance, no empty rituals, just absence.

And lately I figured the phrase "I don't really know.." (which I tend to use ever so often) is really just an excuse. I do know. Perhaps a little too well. But that phrase conveniently hides all the shortcomings I don't want to realise through words. It lets me hide under the pretext of "not knowing", and in that way I don't have to face the difficult thoughts and so I avoid the real issues.

So, when I tell people I don't really know why I'm doing what I'm doing. Truth is, I do know. Mostly. Sometimes it's a genuine state of not knowing. But other times, I think I do know, or I will know. If I would put in that effort to search deeper within myself.

love, 01:01
0 comments