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Breathe out,
So I can breathe you in

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Sunday, 16 February 2014

I feel as though someone had disassembled the different parts that form who I am, and put them back together the wrong way. Like an awkward tin robot that would fall apart when knocked over. How else can this feeling be explained. Most days it's fine. But somedays it takes all of me to hold me together. Like these different pieces are not meant to fit this way, and nothing's holding me together apart from the sheer resolution to survive. I keep my wheels spinning because that's the only thing left I can do to keep me from despising my own self. Is that the driving force behind everything we do? Our ego, and our pride. To be someone or something that we can live with. Because everything in this world may change but one thing may never change and that is that it will always be me with me. Always.

It's hard to explain this feeling, I don't think I ever can. Sometimes I'm afraid of losing who I am, in lieu of the things I read and hear and see from others. But other times I take a deep breath amidst the wordless tides that crash and collide around me, and everything will be calmed even if only just for a moment. It's that one precious moment where everything is clear. I feel incoherent, and it's strange. No man is an island. I need people more than ever. To hear people talk incessantly about the humdrum events in life, and to hear myself chatter about things that don't matter. I should stop.

love, 22:20
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