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So I can breathe you in
La nuit ♥
(sing me anything)
Let me think, I have no thoughts but my mind feels immensely cluttered.
Let go, let go, let go. Let it all go. Chase nothing, wait purposefully.
And just like that, 2013 is gone. Seconds ticked away all year, the minute hand inched forward all year, and yes, just like that - joyous voices counting down the last 10 seconds. And yes, just like that, before I knew it, everyone around me was wishing another person a happy new year. I felt like I was in a whirr of something unreal. Yet it was as real as it could get. I was silent, before I knew it was time for me to reflect what others around me were doing.
Honestly, I would hold on to 2013 if I could. It was one of the best years I have had in awhile.
I start each year with a certain sort of unsettledness, I start each year thinking about the people I hope to still be in contact with at the end of that year, and I start each year praying fervently for peace in my heart. It's peace, that keeps me sane.
It's no use saying 2013 was any different from the rest of the other years. Every year came with its own unique set of challenges and each year involved its own share of uncertainty and risks taken. I don't quite know what it is about 2013 that made me want to hold on to it a little longer. Perhaps that was driven by the fact that while each and every year came with challenges, 2011 and 2012 were particularly difficult. I associate loss strongly with 2011 and 2012. Loss of loved ones, being at a loss, loss.
If I could summarise 2013 in one word, it would be hope. I have been filled with hope throughout this past year, I don't know why, but I have been. Despite the hope I maintain, I know in my heart that the one thing I have been fighting so hard to remain hopeful about will not materialise. But I continue to hope in it. It gives me a reason to continue to just be, happy.
In 2014, I would like to, I need to, let go. I'm moving countries, leaving Melbourne, and I need to let go. There can be no beginnings without endings, and I need to let go of the hope that what I had in 2013 would never end.
10 days that will undoubtedly pass by before I know it, just like the countdown to the new year. I have made mistakes, I have struggled, I have learnt, I have seen the most beautiful sights and the most heartbreaking, I have loved, I have laughed, and I have lived. And as I leave, all I wish for is that you remember I was once here with you. I want you to remember that you walked down those streets with me, and that we laughed so hard at the things we did, we laughed so hard we laughed to the point of tears. The things I want to say never come out the right way, but I would be happy if you would remember that you have the best of me and always will.
