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So I can breathe you in
La nuit ♥
Rewind
Actually, 12/12/12 turned out pretty eventful, despite my previous amble about how I would spend it languishing in my home. It was as random as 11/11/11 was...I mean, I went for foot reflexology with Mencyboy and it hurt so bad. The masseurs in there were all laughing at my misery, making comments about how I was over-reacting. I was not over-reacting. My feet felt really different after that whole experience. They no longer felt like my feet, but they still were. I guess feelings aren't everything. Feelings are so easily moulded by the visible and invisible forces around us. Rationality is my new thing. Which I will obviously be a failure in...or not.
What really made 12/12/12 memorable though was the fact that I got to spend it with two of the dearest people in my life. Sometimes the most joy can be derived from the simplest things in life. The type of conversation between two people that connects their hearts directly and the ease of knowing that everything might change but that this friendship is infinity. It's these things I miss the most.
***
But I'm such a disappointment to myself. 5 missed calls from my family in Malaysia. Something in me was stopping me from answering those calls. I should be there with them, but I'm just not able to. I should be spending this time with my grandmother, or at least speaking with her on the phone.
Is it strange? It's strange to me. There's not a person I am more afraid to lose in this life than my grandmother. Yet I find myself putting off phone calls. Phone calls reduce from every other day to weeks, to months to almost never. I don't want to call her and have to lie about my life, I don't want to have to tell her the truth that I was unhappy. I just want her to hear that I'm doing well and that I'm happy but lying can get tiring. It's not so much the phone call I dread but rather the feeling that comes after, and it ends up in me avoiding it all entirely.
So I finally answered their calls about a day later.
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah the exam was fine"
"Oh the exam's not important, we're more interested in how you're doing"
The truth is, I know I have always been able to remain optimistic till date because I know my family will always be here for me. No matter how much of a disappointment I can be at times, and it doesn't matter how I might have an attitude of ambivalence towards them for various decisions. Nothing really matters, because when reason and logic is stripped away, kinship remains. Love remains.
I wish I wasn't such a disappointment to myself sometimes.
***
Today's the last day in 2012 I'm going to spend in Melbourne. It has been an eventful year. A little too eventful I would say. Whatever it is, I just hope for 2013 to be kind.
The exam today was a little crazy though. Worst patient ever...grumpy and all, and I ran out of time. I also totally pulled an "aiwee" in the test. Stiff...Steve. Far out. I hope the lecturer reads the email I sent to her in a desperate attempt to clarify the mysterious "Steve" in my session notes, assessment plan and recommendations. Doesn't help that she's not exactly the humorous sort...making it unlikely that she is going to be amused by the whole stiff/steve fiasco.
"Who prepares your meals?"
"I used to...but now uhh stiff, he does it"
What I heard...
"I used to but now, stevie does it" -.-''
I had intended to write "Stevie" in my notes et cetera...but thought it might be "Steve". I shouldn't even use the word "thought". I probably wasn't thinking.
 |
| Chilling with WH |
