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Breathe out,
So I can breathe you in

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Tuesday, 8 November 2011
L'étude du Coeur (du cerveau qui n'existe plus)

I have an exam on friday. My mind seems unable to focus on that fact.

Let's hope I don't end up regretting this.

---

Can you believe it's almost mid november? Every year I say the same thing, and I should say it again, why does time pass so quickly?! This year feels particularly horrible, like I've never experienced quite so many changes in my mental state. Mental state, makes me sound like I'm crazy. I'm not. But yes, so many changes I can't quite get my head around them. I don't even really care anymore. I just want to survive. Some days it feels like I wake up and my only goal of the day is to make it through without falling into that vicious depressive state. Or that my only goal is to tire myself out so I can go to sleep at night.

It's 9.35 in the morning. Will be heading to work in about an hour...I am so not looking forward to it. In fact, I'm really dreading it. Stupidest question of the century, but why can't money just fall from the sky. Or grow on trees. Hard truths, we all have to work to make our living.

Seeing all that you said to me almost made me want to choke on my own pent-up emotions. Why did you have to bring that up now. Even more shocking, is the fact that your memory is so amazing, why do you even remember? Even I don't.

Even I don't. But you did, you do.

So I'll just tell myself that I will keep a tight grip on what is real, and that does not involve this in my life.

love, 09:29
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