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Breathe out,
So I can breathe you in

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Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Aaron, post more covers on your tumblr lol! And I really miss having you around. I seriously have not met any "friends" since you left. :O But on the bright side, I'm getting used to this solitaire style living. Solitaire, single in french. Speaking of which, french poem. I close my eyes and I hear myself repeating all the sounds I can conjure in order to make words rhyme.

Jinli thinks the poem is brilliant, but...according to Paul Giffard-Foret, it needs a little something more, like an oomph. Currently, I'm trying to fix the very last stanza. It's just doing my head in. To change to an alexandrin or to not?

We've got this:
"La mort arrive tranquillement à cette vie,
Soudaine et sublime, née d’une nuit sans lune.
Enterrée avec les morts, j’ai réussi.
Perdu finalement dans l’embrasse de la tombe…"

Thing is lune and tombe do not rhyme. And right now it's got no structure seeing as lune and tombe do not rhyme so there isn't an ABAB (rhyme pattern), neither is it an alexandrin or any other sort of octosyllabes (it's basically the number of syllables in each line, the most common form being the alexandrin which is 12 syallables per line). Bottomline is, I'm stuck! So I tried turning it into an alexandrin,

"La mort arrive tranquillement à cette vie, chacune
Soudaine et sublime, toutes sont née d’une nuit sans lune.
Enterrée avec les morts, dans la catacombe,
et perdu finalement dans l’embrasse de la tombe…"

Yeah that works in terms of rhyme (AABB) and structure (alexandrin) but it makes no sense. Death comes quietly in this life, each, sudden and sublime, all are born of a moonless night. When it's meant to be, "death comes quietly in this life, sudden and sublime, out of a moonless night.", without all the each and all -.-

SIGH I'M STRESSED.

love, 00:31
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