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Breathe out,
So I can breathe you in

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Friday, 14 August 2009
Baby Freeze

I'm so cold right now. And hungry. I haven't been eating well. It's not that I'm anorexic, I just can't seem to want to eat sometimes, if you get what I mean.

Busy busy busy, I reckon I wasted too much time on exercise this week. On the other hand, it's more important to keep fit rather than spend my entire day thinking about assignments and readings and sitting around.

On a different note, I really need to step back and think about what God wants me to do in my Uni life, whether I should join the ministry I'm in, whether I should be going for a change of job....and the list goes on. When I got the email for that job interview, it somehow seemed like a confirmation that I should not be doing dodgy under-the-table "cash in hand" jobs anymore, it just doesn't feel right. At the same time, something in me makes me feel that there's no way I'm going to get the job anyway...after all, I've never held a "proper" job. Well, I guess it's no use speculating and trying to plan my days. I'll just have to trust. Which is actually a difficult thing for me because I really feel insecure when I'm unsure about the outcome of whatever I'm doing.

I sound so troubled, but I honestly am not. I'm no longer hung up about working. In a sense, it was really a good thing that I worked in such "crappy" jobs, because I used to be quite a spendthrift, but ever since I started working, my rate of spending has gone down SNAP like that it's quite amazing. Some may see me as being more stingy? But I really don't think it's a matter of being stingy, but more of the way your money is being spent. Some say there's no point in saving money because you never know what may happen tomorrow, you may just die anyway. I don't really see the logic in that because what happens if you don't die? The probability of you not dying is probably higher, and anyway, nobody really lives life thinking they'll die the next day, even though it's true that it does happen. If you spend money thinking it's good to be happy now, then I reckon you should just stop studying cos, you might die tomorrow and what would the point in reading all about Freud?

Okay, right now I'm thinking, wow....what if I do die tomorrow?????

I really feel happy and content these days. It's not that everything's going perfect, but for some reason I just feel much less stressed out compared to semester one. Even as I read, and re-read the S&O assignment details and not understand a thing, I do not feel stressed. And I really had fun doing the management assignment and the psych assignment has already aroused my interest. Law in Society is like...the best subject ever. The lectures are amazing, it's the only lecture where I do not constantly will time to pas faster. In fact, I wouldn't mind the lecturer going over time. Honestly, it's really really interesting.

Anyway, it's 2 am and it's FREEZING and I'm really tired now. Soup Kitchen tomorrow, hope we wouldn't be shorthanded again....or it'll be so tiring.

love, 01:36
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