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Breathe out,
So I can breathe you in

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Saturday, 7 February 2009
Shades of gray, please...fade away

"One day Jesus said to his disciples, "Let's go over to the other side of the lake." So they got into a boat and set out. As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger.
The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Master, Master, we're going to drown!"

He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. "Where is your faith?" he asked his disciples.

In fear and amazement they asked one another, "Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him."

Luke 8:22-25

Jesus said, where is your faith. He didn't ask, how much, but he said, where is it?

Two kinds of letting go, one, just giving up and feeling bitter over it.

The second kind, letting go knowing that God is in control. We're thrown into these pivotal circumstances and all we have to do it trust God, is it that hard? To me it really is, I need to see results, I have to see things happen, but all I really need is to know that He has only my best interests at heart and I have to wait.

Imagine being on the same boat as Jesus, and yet being scared of the winds and the storm. Imagine that, it seems laughable, almost stupid. I would be scared only because I didn't treat God like he IS God. I don't trust that he can do all things.

Today I met this guy who stormed away from church barely fifteen minutes into it; he wanted to go home. I was in no position to do what his mum wanted me to. How could I tell someone it was good to stay when I was doubting it myself? Four hours later, all I could say was...you learn a lot about yourself that you never might.

He decided to stay on for another three months. Three months might not be enough to change his mind about things. Heck, it's been a year and I always have second thoughts. The difference between him and I, as I've said before...is that, unlike me, he has a choice.

I made mistakes, the biggest mistake of my life. But at least I know what I really want now...I miss you more than ever, and you make me hurt more than ever.

Shades of gray, please fade away.

love, 22:26
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