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Breathe out,
So I can breathe you in

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Sunday, 19 October 2008

We spoke in hushed voices; you laughed that throaty laugh I knew you would, the one that I love.

Clearly, just that single line alone is enough to send shivers down my spine because of how close it hits home. Well, I have no other way to express myself apart from through my words. Perhaps I'll count that as a blessing for the day might come when even alphabets rearranged and strung together is unable to convey my feelings.

No other way. I could've tried turning around and running after you as you left but then something stops me, fear, pride..I have no idea. I would've stayed forever just to sit right there next to you and I imagine we could've gone on for ever. Oops. Now that I've imagined it, it's not going to happen. It's jinxed like that.

Today:

1) Clearly you were in a rush.
2) I don't understand why this sudden coldness between us.
3) Most disappointing of all, what. Is. Wrong. With. you.

Honestly, I can't even be bothered to carry the conversation on anymore. After all I'm the only one who seems interested in talking.

This brings to mind something Ben said to me at the start of the year, "friendship should be a two way thing". Well back then I'll never dream that you would be compared with the person that phrase was refering to then. Funny how times change, times change, and times change.

These days have been so unproductive, I can't do Specialist questions and Bio questions and Chemistry Questions, my mind is incapable of generating a story for "Cultural influences are often stronger than mere physical ones" plus link it to Robert Frost or FAP, in other words I can't even think of a vague idea, all that's in my mind is a blank. I should shut up and stop whingeing and whining about this and that and start doing some work, oh just that I forgot to mention how some people in my life are messing with my mind so badly.

By tonight, I HAVE to think of a story AND write it.

Shall take a shower and clear my head. It's hard to clear my head when all that's in there is everything of such little importance my sanity struggles to comprehend why it's even in there. Honestly, these days it's full fire up in my mind, you'll imagine it to be like a world war, just ironically it's I against me.

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.

love, 19:36
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