Dear me,
Have you noticed this trend that your supposed bad days are always caused by a trivial matter, and I might like to add, the same trivial matter. How many times have you told yourself that this would be the last time you're allowing yourself to be affected so. Oh this very elusive "last time" that slips you by so very easily. Yes, so very easily; often all it takes is mere eye contact.
Nevermind about that trivial matter, let's talk about something that certainly sounds like a joke.
Why do you let yourself be pushed around and used like you have been. Don't you understand yet that you're only there for entertainment? Remember how easily brushed off you are? How do you tolerate the fact that you're only there to temporarily fill the void until a better replacement is found. When that happens where does that leave you? Surely you know that leaves you nowhere.
Maybe it's time to re-evaluate where your priorities and importance should be placed.
xoxo, not gossip girl but I.
Dear you,
Is that trivial matter really of so little importance? I know, I've always known that nothing would ever come of it. Still, how do i explain all the little quirks that lead me to believe otherwise. Surely I couldn't have imagined it. No, surely not. How can something imagined grip me like how it had, how can something imagined taste so real? What affects me the most is not knowing, not being able to know for sure. Why I'm sure you have a burning desire to know the truth too, what really lies beneath that facade. That's all I want to know and don't you start on another lecture about how ignorance is bliss/the truth hurts. It's coming to the end of Spring, surely I deserve some answers by now.
As for what is so ridiculous it's almost a joke, I have no words. Yes I do knowingly put myself through it..it's kind of strange nowadays when my opinion is called upon and yet my speech comes out as silence.
All I need right now is a physical being who accepts me just the way I am. I don't want to change to suit a person anymore. Undoubtedly, that is exactly what I've been doing lately. It's funny how I feel that I can connect with someone when I don't even really know that someone very well. Perhaps I delude myself into thinking that way. More possibly, I lead myself into that realm of thought, after all, in my reverie nobody could interfere and I could create anything, everything.
Is pain from supposed trivial matters such as these any less than from supposed grave matters, you define it. That's what a certain someone feels and I would have to admit I've been partially influenced. But lately, honestly, this is going to sound incoherent..all I want to do is scream till my lungs burst. I want the answers but I don't want to ask the questions. It annoys me even. I want to see the full blown effect but hesitate to put in my all. Honestly, what exactly am I afraid of? Myself? No really, what am I afraid of. Million dollar question.
Love, me.
Well I had a good conversation with myself. Now snap back to reality.
On a separate completely irrelevant note, well not really actually, but anyhow, I had one of those Yoghurt Topps meusli bars and despite yoghurt never being quite my cup of tea, I must say I kind of liked it. It was the strawberry flavoured one and I didn't just kind of like it, I actually really liked it. Well, life does have a knack of springing surprises on you hey.......!!!!!! ASLKJ!
These days I'm having trouble typing in searches on youtube for music to listen to. The whole night all I've done is listen to a couple of A Fine Frenzy songs, random Led Zeppelin's and Guns and Roses. Give me some suggestions. Still, Led Zeppelin did keep me pretty occupied. You've gotta admit with me that Stairway to Heaven is just brilliant.
My eyes are kind of irritated. I think some random pollen grain must've been blown into my eye or something. It's so annoying. It feels like there's something in it. Thank God I don't suffer from hayfever. Anyway it's nice still to see leaves on the trees again. Most of the trees have either regained their full crown or at least started having little bunches of budding leaves. It seems to immediately add cheer like how a smile does to a face.
Bye.
